Part of Me Thinks You Should Listen to This

Megan and Dr. Alex discuss the concept of “parts” in the brain and how it relates to success in a health and wellness business. They also discuss the importance of integrating all parts of ourselves, physical, mental, emotional, and energetic, to achieve transformation and reach our full potential.

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Podcast Transcript:

Megan Blacksmith  

Hi, welcome, everybody. Welcome to the becoming zesty podcast. You have both of us here today. together today. The band’s back together,

Dr. Alex Golden  

Alex. Yay, I love it. Like that demand side together.

Megan Blacksmith  

And in this band, there are no instruments. Just vocals.

Dr. Alex Golden  

 Just our voice. La la la la la la, just kidding.

Megan Blacksmith  

Oh that was a good segue. I love that. So speaking of voice, I would love to ask everyone to kind of start to pay attention. And I want you to see if you’re going to hear a difference in our voice in the sound over the next 12 weeks. Because Dr. Alex and I are working with a voice coach not really a classic, what you’d think of a voice coach is called the psychology of the voice. So it’s the messages from your subconscious supercool that are coming through in your voice. So as we work with her, we were shifting the message, we’re shifting the beliefs that are underneath the voice because sometimes you can do all the work we do. And you can have cleared something like cleared a belief from the subconscious. And it’s still hanging out in the muscle memory in your voice and that crazy. That’s crazy. Okay, so I want you to listen in. And if this topic in general is of interest to you, we would love to interview Tracy, I haven’t reached out to her specifically about being on the podcast. Although if this is of interest to you, please either send us a DM on Instagram, or send us an email support at becoming zesty.com. So we can make that happen. We want to make sure that this show is the newest, the latest the greatest the things you want to hear and experts when that makes sense. So let us know.

Dr. Alex Golden  

Absolutely very excited. The class has been so so cool. Right from the get go. Yeah, can’t wait to have her on

Megan Blacksmith  

the Today we want to talk about good old parts. And if for those of you who are on Instagram. Well, actually, there’s a couple of things happened. One thing that happened, I haven’t even told you this yet, Alex is that while working with the voice coach in my session, she told me that my vocal superpower is fun and laughter

Dr. Alex Golden  

So yeah, as well, because I knew it was gonna be good because you’re anytime that you start saying something and you’re laughing a little too hard to actually say it. I know it’s gonna be good.

Megan Blacksmith  

So it’s really interesting, because I love to laugh. And I think I’m funny, although I know that doesn’t mean other people do. So I haven’t really fully leaned into that. And she said, she said everybody has a vocal superpower. It’s usually one thing like your voice could come across as compassion or it’s completely different for everyone. And she can hear this intuitively so super cool. So the funny thing about it is that I took this quite literally and have taken it over to Instagram. So for those of you who have been following along, I have now made maybe three or four reels that are about parts. One of them where I decided to take a shower with my clothes on. It’s funny people think That one’s funny. So go check those out. The funny thing about it, though, is that it isn’t just funny, a lot of people reached out and they’ll be like, Oh, wow, I actually do always question I’m like, part of me wants to take a shower. And part of me really, really doesn’t want to get my hair wet, or deal with all that or get cold, or whatever it is. So this is a real thing that happens that I portrayed in silly ways of like, part of me doesn’t know which couch to sit on. The thing is, is that this actually shows up in every part of our life and in bigger ways. So Bigger, bigger ways, such as for me, like part of me wanted to have a successful business. And part of me believed you can’t do that with kids.

Dr. Alex Golden  

Gosh, no.

Megan Blacksmith  

Right, this topic. So we’ve created a whole masterclass maybe maybe three or four times a year we’re having a free masterclass where you can come learn with us actually get coaching real time, we’re gonna have an interactive class, and where our next one is November 14, at 7pm. Eastern, if you miss this, and it’s and it’s afterward, we will have a replay. So this one specifically is going to help you understand how your parts the parts of you that are getting in the way of your success. So it’s called Three proven hacks to address fear in your health and wellness business. So we are addressing directly to people who want to help other people get healthy, they have a gift, they have a service, they are a provider. And they are maybe getting a little bit stuck in their parts of part of them really believing they can do this part of them being afraid of putting their voice out there, right, going back and forth. So we’re gonna help you discover and integrate those parts that are holding you back from success. So make sure you check out in the link, it’s becoming xsd.com Ford slash parts to join us because it’s coming up really soon. Live November 14. Alright, so we’re very excited. We want to do at least give a little background because our one of our team members was like, Oh, well,

Dr. Alex Golden  

could I share one of your podcast episodes about parts when I send out an email about this? And then I said, Hmm, I guess we haven’t done that yet, even though it is a very important topic in our world and in our life. So we want to just give a little bit of background about what this even means and how it shows up. Take it away, Dr. Alex, in the brain? Absolutely. Yes, I was also shocked to discover that we didn’t and I seem to recall, even making one and then I went back and I couldn’t find it. So maybe a part of my plan one and then the other part. I mean, I don’t know what to do with it. So anyways, here we are. And the parts is really in my opinion, one of the best ways to a feel like you’re less crazy, and be get what you want in life, both things that I think people really want. And what’s interesting about looking at parts through the lens of business, and entrepreneurship and making an impact out in the world is that everybody universally agrees starting a business is one of the fastest ways to get to self development, right. And that is because it puts such a spotlight on all of who you are. And since most of us have 1000s and 1000s of different parts of us, all those parts come tumbling out when we undertake an endeavor like starting a business or just leading out in the world in general. So parts, it is a brain phenomenon. But that is to say that parts can be witnessed in all four bodies that we have physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. And then it is hard wired, as well in the physical brain, like the actual apparatus that we drive around. And that is really to help us a stay safe, like survival and efficiency, which those are the two main functions of the brain for us. And so it makes sense that it does that. So what is a part to create a part of ourselves? We essentially actually need to have some sort of experience often very early on before we consciously remember sometimes not though, that we have an experience and it begins to have an interpretation created by us. And so we say okay, here’s what happened. Here’s what it means. And we store that in our brains and in our minds. Then as we go along, there are often other experiences that are different or opposite of them. And they have their own event and then their own interpretation. As we go, then oftentimes on any given topic, let’s say love, right? The sometimes we are experiencing love. And we might have an event that with our grandma that said, you know, people who are close to me love me and make me feel good. Or, and then you might have an event with love, where everybody came to your eighth birthday party and got you the thing that you really, really wanted, it was very exciting. Yeah. And then the love from your first boyfriend and girlfriend or whatever, right. And so all of those things that are positive to love and feel like love and are associated with love. And that state is then stored in one area. And then with the opposite of love, like love and its negative manifestations. There might be like, I got yelled at by my mom, I got dumped by my, you know, first boyfriend, whatever, whatever, you start putting all that in one one spot. So why then are parts created? Well, in order to be in the mindset of love, and liking what’s happening, being positive and feeling good about it, we essentially begin to access that part of our brain that already has efficiently wired those concepts together. And so as we feel or experience something that then activates that part of our brain, we will go Oh, yeah, I’m in a loving space, and you kind of act from love, and it feels fine. But then sometimes some aspects of a situation will also have the corollary, for example, when, let’s say you went through a horrific breakup, and then you started dating again, right? It’s like, I want love. I love love. And this other part is actually getting activated that says, ooh, Love Hurts, that is the worst pain I’ve ever felt. And please don’t do that again. Right? For them to each part of us, that is then stored there. For them to have a, quote, accurate picture of what their interpretation is, it has to exclude the other one, right? For you to believe in your heart that love is the greatest force on the in the universe. You have to like, what normal people or what usually happens and normal as and statistically very, very common is we exclude in that moment, the awareness of those other aspects, the nuances, and we feel great. And then sometimes someone does something then and you flip and you go, Oh, well, if that’s who you are, then I’m going to push you away, that’s not safe, right. And all of a sudden, you start getting reactionary pushing them away, for to go over there. And to feel kind of cozy and confident with those concepts being true. Often, we have to exclude all the other things that says well, but love is safe. And love is a good thing. And it right for us to react and push someone away. Those things will just muddle the picture and make it more confusing. So in the brain to create parts for efficiency for survival. The set mechanism is to put boundaries and walls around each individual part. So that we can efficiently function from that part, see things from that lens and take action in an expeditious or a somewhat expeditious manner, right? That is fine. But as you can hear that setup begins to create walls within ourselves. And then actually that within ourselves translates to the physical brain itself. And so because of them, while while it is an OK process to start with, essentially the lack of acknowledgement on parts and not having a system to get them to take their walls down and negotiate. What am I as an empowered adult going to think about blank What do I think about love, right? And then at that point you are negotiating because then it has to make sense of all the parts contributions, right? The part that says, ooh, but love hurts sometimes, the concept that love has to integrate that in, to have it still be true, to also include the fact that love is awesome. And I want to seek it. Right? Love means connection. Love means joy. Love means fun, love means whatever. So that negotiation is what creates and the integration from that space, then we have a lot of different ways to choose our actions. From a place of identity, what do we want to do? And what are we, at the end of the day, proud to go to bed at night saying, that’s the decision I made. And I’m okay with that. And so, that is that process of into first being aware of the parts, giving them a voice, because they’re all valid. And then negotiating from a place of empowered adulthood, as we talked about, a lot of these parts start so so early, that as people experience giving them freedom to speak, what often happens is that the way they sound does sound like the age where they kind of got arrested in their development. And I love the show Arrested Development. So I gotta plug it with the statement. But the vent, that’s where sometimes you’re talking to someone and you say something, and they get triggered and a whole nother person seems to come out. Or maybe this is you, right, you’re like patient Mahmoud. And then we’re, and hard left, and that part comes out. And all of a sudden, the language is different, maybe like the the tone is different. The the sentence structure, and it might be very short sentences, right? Like the sit down, shut up. That you know, that like a four year old could say. Whereas to to include a complex concept around motherhood and to deliver and include the concept of motherhood that and that acknowledges, yeah, most of the time, I’m patient, sometimes I’m not. And how do I see that? And how do I make sense of that? That’s that process of getting freedom to the little kid part, so that they don’t need to get stuck there. Right? We don’t enjoy delivering that part. When we consciously are listening to ourselves going, I know, I’m tweaking out, like, I know, I’m saying things that I probably shouldn’t be saying or need to consider more or whatever. And you just kind of snap or do have a knee jerk reaction, that kind of stuff. Those aspects, then I think the those parts make people feel like they’re crazy. They’re like I say that I want one thing and then I do another thing kind of like Megan jokes about the snapping at her kids while reading the present parent conscious parenting book, right? Which I love that story that that’s amazing for so many reasons. But that is the kind of thing we get into blame about we get into, like self blame, we go into shame, we go into guilt we I mean, and to struggle habitually with those things is hard, and it hurts and it is a very painful process. And so having a way to see yourself clearly and to go, Oh, I understand that these parts can get created. And I understand that there is our resources to bring them together and act from a place to me, none of those other things are necessary, right? You saw the blame, the shame and the guilt. You use them appropriately as an emotional compass, you decided to do something about it, like coming to the match class, do the framework and actually apply it and then you feel better. You don’t need those anymore, right? And people are like, how do I get over guilt get over shame all that stuff. A lot of times is just treating yourself well. That’s really what it looks like.

Megan Blacksmith  

And what we are helping people tease out is whether it’s part of the time, or all of the time, right? So you’ll hear it in your language or people you’re talking to it’s so fun once you want to think think of this and hear it because it’ll people will say they’ll actually saying Well, part of me really wants to write me really wants to do the podcast, and part of me is super afraid of the visibility or whatever it is it’s coming up because sometimes it is real They just really wish that we are in parts about it. And sometimes it’s a belief, that’s just all the time, the belief all the time might just be like, I suck at speaking, I don’t know what it is that there might be something all the time. So with the language, we can start to tease out, which area are we in? And what is going on with that I just had a recent coaching call Alex, you’ll love this. And the person was saying to me, well, it was it was about habits. And they were saying, Well, I’m really good at doing a certain habit that revolved kind of around it was it was restrictive, it was a juice type cleanse, that she was doing one day a month. And she said, I don’t get it, I’m really good at doing it, I do it every single month, I’ve been doing it for like five years, every single month, that one day, and then maybe three or four days later would go right back to full on binging of the potato chips and whatever. And so obviously, you’ll have been around here long enough. Like we’re not, we’re not making any arguments around the idea of it. But the concept, right of doing being able to do something all in and then not at all. And she said I don’t get it like why? How can I be so good at this habit? And then not? And I was thinking about it? I’m like, okay, is this a parts thing? Or is this a belief and the more I asked questions, it came down to really it was not part of the time it was all the time, it was all or nothing all the time. So it looks like it wasn’t because the the all versus the nothing that nothing part she wasn’t enjoying. But really it was I in that version was you know, doing the thing she wanted to do the whole day. And then the other time it was doing the exact opposite was doing the thing she didn’t want to all day. Right? So it became just as much of a habit like it was the same habit in the other direction. So we get to start to see like, okay, is this all of this time? Is this part of the time and instead of going all or nothing we can go to? The phrase I heard recently is how about small and something

Dr. Alex Golden  

like that? Yeah, it’s so true. Because there’s so many things, there’s so many variations of this, but it all ends in a similar thing of like, sometimes people plan for a long time and never start sometimes people start but fall off. Sometimes people are just yo yoing up and down, up and down, up and down. Sometimes people go although almost all the way there and then peter out at the end, sometimes they go through as set time and then once the time then they’re like, Oh God, I can relax and then go down. It there’s lots of different ways to, to kind of express the issues, but really at the heart of it. It’s more like do you act like how you want? Right? And and if there’s any discrepancy, which if you’re a human Mom, I’m gonna call it that there is then an if not, let’s chat, email us, then the then this is relevant, because essentially, every time you feel yourself going to like, Well, part of me wants to stop scrolling, and then your finger keeps scrolling. Right then or you’re like I, part of me wants to get mad at my partner about this thing. And a part of me knows it’s not that big of a deal. And I’m just frustrated today, right? There’s all these expressions of it. And the thing that I find the most powerful in some ways about parts, besides just the awareness of that they exist, because that alone was for me. I don’t use life changing very loosely, because a lot of things aren’t. But on that one, I actually would say it was life changing to even acknowledge pars. And then to is that the whole point in pars is that if they’re around, there is a function to them. Those walls are giving context and meaning to something. And then again, this goes back to part one of why I think those works so well is that it makes you feel as crazy when you know that you don’t just sabotage yourself. Because you are like it like weird or messed up or like fighting against yourself or whatever it is that that makes it feel like more of a fight rather than a collaboration. But rather to say if this part is he here, it must be here for a reason. And if that is true, then from an empowered adult decision, I can take ownership of how I express it and so we’ll go into how that act rarely happens. And now that works on in the mastermind. But think about that power, right? Think about being willing to acknowledge why you do something, and to gift it to yourself and to bring its presence into your life in a different way that you do like, is then the thing that people go, Oh, well, I wasn’t messed up for that. I just wanted this. And now that I can choose, you know, this, this and this also, well, I can just choose one of those. There’s really nothing all that difficult or complicated are many steps about it. Right? And so now, I think, where are we with the masterclass we do it, because if this podcast just to say that was gonna work for the majority of people, then that’s what we should just be doing a podcast. But at the end of the day, a lot of times what the hang up is, is not because the concept is hard, or that the steps are complicated. It’s that, because we have habitually had so much time in our life previously, where we’ve divorced ourselves from ourselves in some way, right? All of this fragmentation, lack of trust, like a belief in ourselves, to speaking negatively to ourselves, all those things are still present. So when we, when we begin this process, at first, it’s kind of like he’s just unpacking a closet that’s been a little overstuffed. At first, you’re like, oh, wow, there’s a lot of stuff. Right? It starts looking a little more like, whoa, okay, cool. There’s all this stuff is out there. And in my opinion, that’s where it’s sometimes it can feel a little rocky unless someone is shining the light and explaining to you exactly how to do it right. It can be a little discombobulating to bring up self awareness. And so because we know that this is a process that does really well with a rinse and repeat, like clarity, is really, really key here. Of course, any will any one of us can begin to resource ourselves? So but in no way, am I saying someone can’t do it. But with this, you know, to bring up self awareness, and then not see it through the limitation, that concern that comes up, that becomes I’m even better at making myself feel guilty. I’m even better about pointing out where I suck. But I haven’t actually seen myself through to have that negotiation come together and feel happy with it. So that’s the part that we all need you to do. Right? That’s the part that gets you results. And so you know, that that’s why it works like that, but in and of itself. And negotiating between parts is as simple as talking.

Megan Blacksmith  

And the most painful part about parts, is when we’re sitting on the fence, it’s like one, literally one, one leg pulling one way, one legs pulling the other. That’s, that’s uncomfortable. It’s

Dr. Alex Golden  

super uncomfortable. And then especially without a lack of awareness and parts. I think the reason that I say parts were life changing for me, because it changed the conversations that I was having drastically. Before I would always go into conversations. If I was conflicted on the inside. I had a really hard time because I may have like, Will something happen that hurt me, but I can see it also from that person’s perspective. And, and you’re kind of hemming and hawing. And I didn’t know what to say. So it’s like, Am I mad at them? Am I not mad at them? Do I need them to do something? Do I not make them do something and I would live with the way that my brain and my mind is geared and like the way that it expresses itself? Oh my god, it could just eat itself on that. And so when I realized, like, Oh, if I have parts, I can explain to someone that I am in parts. This is here, and this is here. So then when they’re over there, you know, if they’re explaining the situation from their point of view, and I’ve already acknowledged that, yes, I know that you are tired tonight and that the brown banana face you’re giving me is not personal, but I’m taking it personally. They don’t need to sit there and go. Well, let me explain why I’m defensive about the brown banana faces because I had a long workday. I already said it. Right. They’re not feeling like they have to argue with me. They don’t have to get defensive now they can explain themselves, like from their perspective again, but it’s not an argument because I already said it already acknowledged it I’m already saying like Part of me acknowledges that I’m tripping out on this. And the when that had happened, all those conversations, it was so much easier. And I think, for me knowingly doing it, it was a lot easier. And for me, for the other person, even if it was not someone that was like trained in parts or or that I could say, parts to, then it felt easier for them to, it just felt like it turned anything that could have been an argument or heated or blaming, and to just a regular old conversation. And as a at the time recovering people pleaser, and general repression queen was, was a huge, huge weight off. I mean, really, it made me feel so much better about everything. Because I just would freak out at conversations, you know, and I got to actually have them. And then over time, I got to have a lot more a has about vulnerability and authenticity and saying the truth and just being yourself and all of those things that got to come after they all came after the experience of parts.

Megan Blacksmith  

I think you’re highlighting such an important piece with the labeling, like labeling it, naming it explaining it and which is what the parts do get to do. And when everyone at the masterclass will get to experience that. And I know so now ever since I really was grasping parts and how that impacted me. I could label it differently. So I’m bout to go do something that’s a little bit outside my comfort zone. I’m about to ask somebody if I can be on their podcast or do something right. And that, like that sleepy Megan part would come in? I don’t know there’s so should I take a nap instead? You know, and the pattern was the pattern that happened enough of a time that I was very aware of this was this was a pattern just being able to label that. Me like, Hey, I see you I see you sleepy part. I see you trying to stop me from this thing that you think is scary, and I get it? Has it shift to something sometimes that alone is like, Oh, I’m not actually sleepy.

Dr. Alex Golden  

Right, especially you? Yeah. And if that part really is sleepy, then when after you send the email or the DM or whatever it is, then you still feel tired, you can take a nap, right? No part of this, the beautiful part of this, to me is the absolute lack of inner gaslighting that can happen here is like if you’re legitimately tired, and you think it’s a part and you’re talking to it, then that when you’re talking to somebody, doesn’t the conversation generally unfold? I mean, yes, there are conversations that don’t get anywhere. And you’re like what is happening here, but they are few and far between if you compare it to all the conversations that you have, so really is the same thing where if your partner is speaking and they got valid points, then even after you have the negotiation, and they still have something that they need, well, then they’ll let you know, and then you can do it. Right. So it’s a beautiful aspect of really like working with yourself to accomplish what it is you want while still taking care of yourself, right? If you are tired, and you actually just flat out refuse to nap. And that is something that needs to happen. Well, then that part was something will will alert you to that fact. And what’s interesting is that sometimes the parts are rather relatively large, and they create significant issues. So sometimes a sick part is a part that is very protective, right? When we feel sick, then we don’t force ourselves to do stuff as much. And if that’s been your main strategy is just brute force towards yourself. And and beating yourself up and shaming yourself and all of that. Then health grass, it’s a beautiful way to get out of it. And it is very effective. And everybody will agree with you. So it’s like sometimes people are literally like they they are their one thing is that they want to heal. Right. And so this is not just just Oh life feels harder when we don’t take care of our parts. No literally everything that you are having a problem with is related to parts in some way. And because they communicate with each other because they are dynamic. If you start with any part of your life, any context of life, it will have a ripple effect of some kind. And we will teach in the class exactly how to make that ripple effect as big as possible. I do love that we’re doing the class the way that we’re doing it because it highlights the fact that negotiating within yourself is something that can happen by yourself. And traditionally, parts have been taught in a format and have been explained in ways that require somebody with you. And one of the things that we want to bring into the world is options, options for ourselves. And so anytime that we can do that, we are wanting to that’s part of the zesty stick, it’s part of our brand identity. And this is very, it ends up being really really exciting. Because traditionally has really required something much more like high powered and I’m super excited and I feel very proud I know you do to my of the the fact that we can bring this to people in a completely different way, something that has never really exists. Well, it actually just has never existed, let me say. So really, really exciting. And when we can do things alone, that means that we can teach more people the ripple effects can happen faster. And boy, anytime we get into a ripple effects can happen faster scenario, that’s for us like such an important key right all our stuffs transformation accelerator, because you deserve to have your stuff kind of run when you want it not a whole lot of time after. I know that’s when I want my stuff. So we’re gonna go ahead and assume that’s when you want yours to

Megan Blacksmith  

when would now be the right time not to have that stuff.

Dr. Alex Golden  

I know right? People are always like, oh, you know, you should cultivate patience and like or you could have the thing but whatever you know, that’s why we have our own podcast so I can actually say that stuff and and anybody that is on board with that idea. Come on by and obviously if you know somebody send them over.

Megan Blacksmith  

Beautiful Well, anything else to share today Alex? I feel I feel integrated. I love it.

Dr. Alex Golden  

A part of me feel parts have gone forever, but that’s okay. Well maybe we’ll do part two you know I’m like it just keep it keep moving because the parts discussion I have a feeling might be never ending. Well,

Megan Blacksmith  

that’s true. There is I actually bought actually bought a costume. Specifically for parts real I’m gonna make later so there’s definitely more common. Oh, good. Oh, good. Is this my first actual purchase of gear just for a video? I love it. The Instagram so Oh,

Dr. Alex Golden  

very nice. Check it out. We’ll put our stuff in the show notes.

Megan Blacksmith  

All right, thank you all for being here. So if you can come join us live on November 14 at 7pm. Eastern for the free masterclass we would love, love, love to have you. If you cannot be live, just still put your name on the list, we will send out the replay and any goodies that come with that. And we’re gonna do a giveaway actually, we’re going to do a giveaway for people who are there alive. So, you know, if you’ve been around a while you’ll start to learn that when you come live, you may win stuff, you may win money, you may want to ticket to something. I don’t know people have gotten someone got a muse headband for a couple of $100 worth of investment for free at our last event you never know. So yeah. Join us live will be given away the good stuff. And we will see you there or on the podcast or wherever we see you.

Dr. Alex Golden  

All right, have a good one stands out to you.