Wrong Kind Of Imposter Syndrome

In this episode, Dr. Alex Golden dives into the topic of imposter syndrome, describing it as a survival mechanism hardwired into our brains. She talks about the importance of identifying genuine guidance and using available resources to rewire our thinking and overcome imposter syndrome. Dr. Alex also touches on the value of coaching, recognizing our own limitations, and exploring our inner selves for personal growth. She shares how meaningful it can be to spread this knowledge, helping others achieve their goals and feel more empowered in their lives.

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Transcript:
Hello, hello. Welcome to becoming zesty. This is Alex here with you. So glad that you’re joining me today. We are going to be talking about the wrong kind of imposter syndrome today, and it’s a really fun topic, because I love helping bust the myth and the struggle of imposter syndrome. And there’s so many interesting ways that we can actually do that, and there are other podcast episodes that we have that are on what is actually imposter syndrome. So I’m not necessarily going to rehash all of that today, other than to remind us that when it comes to imposter syndrome for the brain is that the brain is often, or is always, following the instructions that are programmed. It is an efficiency and a survival machine, and the efficiency helps us with the survival. So that’s why they’re so intimately related, and so imposter syndrome when it comes to the brain as a bit of a misnomer, and if we have believed that we are not good enough, and the brain says you’re not good enough, there has, there’s nothing that has been misinterpreted by the brain. It is just doing what you said last right? And there’s ways to rewire it. There’s subconscious reprogramming. It’s all the stuff we that we do in our NLP essentials and level one, and all the, you know, all the stuff that we have, which is linked up in the show notes. So check that out, especially the NLP essential, of course, it’s only a couple $100 and it is very powerful. So definitely go check that out. And our upcoming two day habit event is in August, August, 20 and 21st in Dallas. Check that out. It’s in the show notes. You definitely do not want to miss out, because it is two days of very powerful content that will get you moving and feeling so proud of the habits that you own, that you have, the things that you decide to not do. That’s the power of that event. So make sure you get signed up for August. The next one is in January, in Virginia Beach. So when then it comes to imposter syndrome, there’s lots of beliefs that can underlie it. There’s lots of programming that can happen. And when we look at it as there are real instructions that have been hardwired into the brain, and then you have real resources that can reprogram that in the way that you choose, then it’s actually a very easy problem to overcome. There’s like literally nothing complicated or hard or mysterious about how that is. It’s a setting. It can be changed. There are resources to do it, and they work very quickly, and it sticks around. So that part we just have done with, you know, hundreds of 1000s of people. So we are not that part is what it is, but this aspect that I want to talk about, there’s an aspect to imposter syndrome that actually has more to do with choices and mindset that we make in the way that we choose to see the world and other people that doesn’t really have to do with those settings. Of worthiness and working the role of working hard and having to prove yourself, all of those things are are kind of what I was just referring to. But there is a brand and a type of imposter syndrome thinking that is actually not necessarily a belief about the coach. It’s a belief about the people. And that’s where, when it comes to imposter syndrome, it’s really the wrong kind of thinking on imposter syndrome, as in rewiring. It doesn’t necessarily do the trick. So what am I actually talking about? There is a type of imposter syndrome that has to do with the coach feeling like they know what the best thing to recommend is, whether they’re in health coaching and they’re getting into, you know, protocols and stuff, whether or food or exercise or they are life coaches and it’s about relationships, or maybe business coaches and it’s about business and they are wondering, gosh, I just don’t know if I know what the right thing to recommend is. I don’t know. Like, what if I am saying the wrong stuff? What if I am coaching in a way that is not actually the right thing, and that right there is a problem that kind of thinking becomes a huge problem for coaches, because automatically, those kinds of questions begin to let us know that we’re seeing it from a place of authority within ourselves, we have the right answer, and it is up to us to figure out what’s going on in that person’s life and to recommend accordingly. If that’s the kind of thinking we’re having that is a huge problem and a huge red flag when it comes to coaching, because it implies that we believe we know what is right for the person, right and I put to you, if the this is feeling like it applies to you, is, do you always know what you need to do at any given time? Is it super clear to you what actions you need to take at any given time. Do you know exactly how to handle every scenario in your lifefor the most part, most people, if they’re being honest, will be like, No, I actually don’t. So if we don’t know it and for ourselves, there is no blessed way in my my beliefs, how we can get to figuring out what is right to tell people to do in there. So that brand of coaching automatically breeds imposter syndrome, because your own brain is saying, Who are you to tell people how to live? And I don’t know what argument we can make that says and anything other than that’s not a good idea, right? Like there isn’t no this is not the conversation of, are you telling people to do stupid so, like, I’m just assuming that people here are trying to do the right thing right but sometimes in our pursuit of trying to do the right thing, we then go too far, and we’re like, I think they should exit that relationship. I think we should, you know, eat this way, I think. And that’s where your own brain will often say, Who are you to say that? And it’s not necessarily wrong. That’s why I’m like, you can’t on, you can’t unwire that and rewire. I’m the lord of everybody, and I know exactly how they should be living, and I have all the answers. I just don’t see how that’s supposed to be like a thing. How does that actually happen? Is it ever going to be effective? Is it something that we can truly stand on? Probably not. I just I don’t see that world. And if you do cool, I’d actually love to hear from you. Shoot us an email at support, at becoming zesty, because I want to hear what’s up. Like, how do you see it? But on the flip side, when I’ve thought about this, I really don’t see a long term solution to that, because it’s inherently I just don’t know how to convince someone’s brain that they do have the answers. That brand of imposter syndrome is there to let you know I may be overstepping right? Because sometimes, if we are creating, let’s say, in health, if we are creating protocols where we have to sit around and wonder if we’re doing the right thing or feel like we’re not good enough to do it, then maybe that’s not, maybe we are creating things that are not for us to create, right? If you don’t feel good like you have the authority to do it, there, it may be a belief, but there is also a world where we have to ask the question, should I be doing this? Because if I stop and I. Go to where I know that I am equipped and competent and have the resources, then I don’t have to wonder if I’m doing the right thing. And so no matter your station, a training is just within all of us to make that make sense for what we do. Even as an MD, I’m not functioning the same as when you’re in an office, right? Because I match to the help that I provide in the setting that I have chosen to work in, and that I have to tailor to me, and that makes sense for me. And then you know Megan as an fdnp has the same thing, and in our business, we have always had those discussions where we say, where are we where? What help can we provide? And that’s what we are providing. There’s people that have, like trauma recovery centers, where people get daily, multiple hours of coaching. That’s not really a structure that we have. It’s a really great thing for people, but that’s not what zesty does, right? So we are not at all saying no one should do that. It’s just that we have to pick what’s going to be, what we take responsibility for, and ultimately, it’s up to the code. So when imposter syndrome has come up, is that it’s helpful, because sometimes it gets you to ask the questions that will keep you from even creating or getting into a thing that’s problematic. It if you always say, let when I have to ask myself if I know what’s best. And then I say, Do I really and how am I helping this person move? How am I helping them think? And how am I facilitating their choices, not what I think, but in terms of what are they going for? You don’t necessarily have to agree. No, you can’t disagree so hard that you actually are like thinking it’s bad or judging them. That needs to be a coaching discussion, because what you believe about them matters, but that can be figured out. All of those problems are absolutely none of those look like laying in bed at 2am wondering if you’re messing something up, wondering if you’re good enough to do what you do. Right that when those things come up, and then we look at it and we say, Ooh, I am practicing outside of my circle in the sand like as in, I don’t know if that person needs to be with that woman or that man, but what are they saying in their words? What do they want? What are they going for? What are we working with, and how do I allow them to choose where they place themselves next? What decisions are going to come up for them next, and what identity do they want to be next? None of those questions come back to you as the coach taking responsibility for the calls that they make, and that’s why that kind of imposter syndrome just sounds inherently different, right? Can I move them effectively? Am I eliciting their true desires as efficiently as possible? All of those things are super valid. That’s what we do at level one when we certify practitioners and coaches. All of those things are super duper important. But do I know the right answer? Am I telling them? Are the right things. Those right there should be a little red flag that pops up right straight out of your brain that says, okay, hold on, I’m about to get into something here that I am not trying to get into. Right? I shouldn’t even be having to ask myself those kind of questions. And if I am, let’s stop let’s figure out what’s going on here, and let’s get back aligned with who I most want to be, who I am most proud to be, as a coach, as a business owner, and then let’s keep it pushing from there, right? So I hope that really clarifies the different versions that imposter syndrome can show up as and the importance of actually identifying because the resources needed to address it are inherently very, very, very different. One is more of a mechanics situation, and one is more of a foundational who am I? What? What makes me me? What is the fabric of me? What’s my makeup? How do I want to be? What’s my leadership style? What resources are the ones that I’m bringing to the world that I believe in most and are most helpful for the kind of people I work with? All that stuff gets us to the place where it’s a win, win, win. We’re making money. We’re feeling good about the people that we’re helping. We know that the world’s getting better at large. That is the kind of thing where you sleep like a baby at night. You’re not up at 2am being like, Oh no. What did I do? What did I say? Why did I say that? What? Maybe. What if they do this, and then this happens, and I all that stuff is super duper exhausting. And ultimately, when we experience those kind of things, we may believe that at 2am is just between us and God and the universe and just between our two ears, right? And no one else can hear. But the thing is, we broadcast that message out when we are awake the next day, right? If you’re feeling that type of way about yourself, every time you open your mouth, people pick up on it. Every time you show your face, people pick up on it. And you know exactly what I’m talking about. You know when you show up place, and you’re like, I just don’t I don’t trust them. I don’t believe them. I think that they are someone who lies, and I’m just not into it. And you know the people that are not living the way that they say, you identify them. You clock them. And so you know that it happens, and therefore you know that it’s happening to you, right. People are deciding all day long if they believe you. And so if you are like, yeah, everything’s great. My relationships hunky dory. My kids and I are doing great. Oh, we have these super fun summers, you know, at our the, you know, mansion on the lake and whatever like, and our boat, any and all of those things are phenomenal, but if they are not authentic, if they’re not real, if they’re not how you actually spend your moments in between your two ears, it broadcasts out from everything that you do. And so the imposter syndrome, thinking and all of these saying, no matter which brand it is, it’s got to get addressed if we are to be effective and efficient leaders out in the world, and especially if we want to have what we want to have, right? If you want the results for yourself and for your family, to feel proud of yourself, to know that you’ve accomplished what you came to accomplish, to feel purposeful, to have the money you want to have to live, where you want to live, move, how you want to move vacation, how you want a vacation. If we want those things, we have to get all of us on board with being in alignment with that, the human that lives that right. We have to actually be the people that move that way. Otherwise, we’re not going to get to do that. We don’t get to get this stuff and be seen as a leader, and then we’ll feel like one that is a little bit too tenuous for the universe to set up. God didn’t set it up that way in my in my book, because it’s too shaky, right? If all that stuff goes away, you would begin to believe that you actually weren’t good enough. But if you have to decide who you are, and then you create the stuff, then you lose the stuff. None of nothing about you changes. You get put on a deserted island. You’re still the person that created it. You’ll just make it there on the island. So that’s why the order has to go. We be the people we get the stuff that those people have. It’s always that equation and imposter syndrome goes a long way in helping us do so there’s so many aspects of it that help us walk that fine line of pushing the boundaries, of showing up for the world and as full and a complete way as possible, which can be with a lot of discomfort, while still then treating ourselves well, right? This isn’t just being like, I’m going to go out and do this and then you’re laying in bed panicking because you’re doing all sorts of stuff that you don’t feel good about doing. That’s not the answer, right? And so it’s a fine line to walk in life, to really feel for that uncomfortable line and say, I’m outside my comfort zone, but I am so proud of how I’m walking this even my missteps, I’m proud of how I’m handling them and growing from them and learning from them. And maybe I need to pull back, or maybe I need to go harder, whichever it is at any given time, but that’s that work of leadership and where, when we use things like imposter syndrome to our advantage, like that, you will move so fast. That’s how when Meg and I are like, yeah, instead of 10 years, we had our certification program set in nine months. We thought it would take a decade, and it took nine months. Those are the quantum les. Some people look at us and they’re like, I want to be like that. I want to move like that. I’m telling you right now, that’s how we’re doing it. It’s actually much less mysterious than people make it out to be. And so if you’re still thinking, I just gotta find that one thing, and then the imposter syndrome will go away, and then everything will be hunky dory. Luckily, it doesn’t work that way. Thank God it doesn’t work that way. In my book, it doesn’t work that way because it wouldn’t help you get to the next level. Whereas this truly is designed to anything that you got here, it’s designed to help get you moving and to help make you more effective doing what it is that you came here to do. So the more that we have our courage and our wits about us to go look in the mirror and say, What’s going on here. Why am I having these thoughts? Are these the kind where this is a worthiness and a belief? And do I need to go check out? NLP, essentials. Do I need to, you know, talk to Megan and Alex about coming to level one cool, awesome reach out to us. But if not, maybe this might be a conversation where you have is my thinking right on this? Have I placed myself into a dangerous category and a thing where I may be creating future issues for myself, and in looking at that, I have the power to change all of that, and that is actually very empowering, right? So it is all good, no matter where you are. We’ve we’ve been all of it. We’ve seen all of it. This is the kind of thing where the less focus you have on beating yourself up for it, the more energy you will have to overcome it. So please watch what happens between your two ears when you hear this stuff, because looking at it can be a little, you know, confrontational, and can feel like, Oh, that’s a lot to look at. But understand that the resource there is so easy once we have the courage to look at it, sometimes it’s like, I can just stop doing XYZ. There’s nothing else I have to do. It’s actually like the easiest answer ever, but unless we look at it, we don’t get to that easy answer. So don’t let the mental ground lines fool you into thinking just because looking at is hard, but dealing with is going to be just as hard most of the time. That’s not even true looking if looking at it as hard the vast majority of the time. What I found is that dealing with it is easy, which is a little bit of a mind bender when you think about it, but that the things that are easy to think about often have complex solutions. These are not set in stone rules, but this is what I’ve noticed. Think, easy to look at, harder to figure out, right? Kids are easy to think about and look at and be like, there’s a lovely and I want to be this kind of parent, blah blah is hard to actually execute on it, day in and day out, right where it’s hard to look in the mirror for Ooh, am I thinking in a way where I’m placing myself as an authority figure, and why? And what is that doing for me? And how did I grow up? But then, when it’s like, I’m just not going to do XYZ as actions, and I can just fill my days doing this instead, because now I got free time, that part’s easy. So the mental Gremlins will almost always lie to you in your brain, on making it sound they will. They want your world to stay the same. Often the the mental Gremlins, speaking, want the efficiency to remain so, even if it’s garbage efficiency, they’re so rooting for the efficiency, and that’s why we gotta say I as a leader for me, see those parts of me that want to stay the same, and I need to provide them with leadership as well. This is not the kind of thing where the mental Gremlins can win, because then I can’t go be I can’t say I am the identity of a leader that helps move people and change because if I’m not doing it, then I’m not doing it. There’s no way to get around that. So when we address this kind of stuff and ask, though, ask those important questions, the things that flow from it are often so magical feeling, because it’s like opening a whole new corridor stuff that you had locked away. You have a mansion, and that whole wing is shut. Once you have the courage to swing that door open, yeah, it can be scary. Absolutely. Been there. Continue to be there. We’ll be there in the future. Like there’s aspects of me that I will continue to keep meeting, and I will have to look at it, but when you swing that door open, you’re like, Oh, cool. This room in here actually has a motorcycle. Oh, this one in here has a big flat screen TV. This one in here has a big indoor pool, and all of a sudden, you’re up and running, right? But when you lock the door on yourself, you’re. And thoughts have to get at you. They have to say you’re not you’re not living up to what you could, and they’re not wrong, because, hey, open the door. So I’ll leave you with that today. Thank you so much for swinging by. Check out. NLP, essentials down below in the two day event. If you are in need of more resourcing we got, you don’t even worry about it. Otherwise, I’ll catch you on the next episode. Check it out also on YouTube, because I am putting it up there on our YouTube channel. It is linked down below as well. See you later.