High Expectations for Little Humans

Dr. Alex Golden explores the interplay between parenting and self-development. She acknowledges the irony of wanting others to take action while avoiding it oneself. She also acknowledges the irony of wanting others to take action while avoiding it oneself.

Connect with us:  

Follow us on IG: @becomingzesty

Find us on FB: https://www.facebook.com/BecomingZesty

Visit us at https://becomingzesty.com/ 

Sign up for the FREE Masterclass: https://becomingzesty.com/sabotage/


Hello, everybody. Welcome to the becoming zesty podcast. This is Dr. Alex here with you welcome, welcome, welcome. Hopefully you’re having a great day or night, no matter where you are in the world. We’re so glad that you’re here. Today we’re going to be talking about fear. We’re going to be talking about kids. And of course big kids, which is adults. I also wanted to invite you to our upcoming training three crucial coaching skills you should have learned in training, aka learning to trust yourself as a powerful practitioner. So whatever it is that you do in the world that makes an impact where you are working to create a ripple effect of positivity and love here on the planet. We are here to help facilitate change, right? How do leaders help themselves change faster, and to the identity they most want to be and what they feel like they are here for their purpose. And then to take that into into the world and to expand it and to grow it and to multiply it into a ripple effect that really makes a difference for all of us. So check that out. The link is going to be in the show notes. It is on Tuesday, March 19 at 4pm. Pacific time and 7pm. Eastern time. That’s six for us in Texas. All right. So what are we talking about today? One of the things that I was talking about recently with a good friend of mine was the interplay between parenting and self development. And one of the things that ended up coming up from that conversation was really, really interesting. And we were noting how often we as parents and people with kids, or even like people who lead others or, or authority figures in some capacity, right? How often we want people to do, like be held to a certain standard, and then we don’t want to do the thing. Right. And one of the ways that it looks like and so often for little humans and fear is when kids are like, Oh, I’m struggling to do something I’m struggling to learn a new skill I am in the fear of this is new and unfamiliar to me and I’m feeling my own insecurities where kids will be like, I can’t do this, or I don’t know if I can do this or this is too hard. Right? And so often the reflex response of parents and of adults is Oh of course you can write like or don’t say that or oh you should believe in yourself and and all these things in a story like delivered as a lecture and then to zoom out there’s so many times where like we just working with humans, you know, will will be on calls and we’re talking about people will be interested and taking their life and up leveling and starting a new career and making an impact in the world. And so often I’ll be like, yeah, no, I do. I do mean that I want to do those things, but I’m not gonna take the next step like I can do it. Like, I’m not gonna Now’s not the time, I don’t have the time, I don’t have the money, I don’t have the power. I don’t have the, you know, agreement of my partner, I don’t have the energy, I don’t have my health in line, I don’t have the certifications or training and I can afford getting them. It ends up essentially being the exact same thing. Right. And, and how often it is that, you know, we will see it and another but then sort of believe our own reasons for the fear, right. And it’s really even though that can be like, Whoa, that stinks. You know, like, it’s not, it’s not something that when I thought about I was like, that is true. There, we want to believe in everybody else. Right? You really can I know you can really do it. But when it comes to us so often, we don’t necessarily want a role model that right, like really get you can do it. Pause.

And, and not me. So there’s a yes, there’s a self awareness, Zinger kind of in there, depending on what our past is and what our history is. And maybe not for you. Why not? That’s cool, too. But the flip side of that is when when we can actually take that self awareness and then begin to apply it. It looks like a much more collaborative, honest, authentic process. Because then, you know, instead of kids being like, this is hard, I can’t do it, and then being met with, you know, let’s, let’s do the corollaries or like I, in some ways, even though we all mean, well, when we do it, it’s sort of a denial of the actual feelings that are being felt underneath, like, the kids are often like, I mean, they’ll they’ll try it, they’ll do it or whatever, sometimes not. But they’re, they’re not necessarily looking to get out of it as much as the acknowledgement of this is what it is. And so when we hit them hard with Oh, no, don’t say that, you can totally do it, it can sometimes feel like a little bit of a shutdown of the feelings or and an invalidation of the fear. And of course, in some ways we are trying to do that we’re like, the fear is not the important part. It’s the doing it and drying it. And maybe you’ll have fun, right? Or whatever. But this is where we can all work together in service. So the same way, it’s like your fears of whatever next step that you’re scared to take are valid, and you still want to get yourself over that hump and actually do the thing in the world. Right? Part of that process can start can be started by having honest conversations with people around us like, Hey, I feel me Oman feels fear, too. This is what it looks like, in my big world, you know, the your little world is here. And here’s my corollary, here are things that I do too. And when we put our parenting on our coaching hat on, of course, we, of course, people always started being like creative, and they’re like, Oh, I do this. And this is a good idea and whatever, right? But then as we’re talking, we can be like, I’m actually talking to me, like, this is my parenting. This is my coaching, this is how I can lead myself past my own fears and limitations. Because, you know, I’m talking to people who are at the heart of it more committed to helping the world than the fears, right? Like, at the end of the day, we all got to make a decision on which side we’re on. And so in that way, it’s when we have that those conversations when we allow fear to exist, and then resource it and to say, what do I need to acknowledge that and still keep moving forward? What does support look like? What is reassurance look like? What is safety look like? What does protection look like? Who is my crew? Who are my people that I debrief with or who How do I handle my emotional processing around this? Right? All of these, all of those better questions come out of conversations that are had that are rooted and being a little more authentic about what’s actually going on, and how we’re all often having a similar experience, whether we’re a kid or an adult. So much of life is the same stuff, just different levels right now And so, one one way to flip it around, is to share and apply together. Right? If you if you have kids or a few around kids or you lead people, this can be a collaborative process of how can I assist you? How can I show you my inner world? While role modeling what I’m doing and, and the resources that I have that you may not right as adults, we can share the things that we already know, you might have already listened to those podcasts and learn parasympathetic tools. Right? So right away, we can say, oh, right, am I personally applying those daily? Am I encouraging my central nervous system to be in that rest and digest, heal and learn? Recover? Be creative, passionate, thriving, right? Am I applying those things? When I feel the fear and the limitations on myself as I grow and expand, which of course, you’re going to bump into the outer boundaries of where you feel comfortable and where your expansion currently is. And the game is to expand anyways, past that, right? So beginning to apply those tools so often, then we remember that they’re watching us. And so as we begin to demonstrate resourcing our own fear of and limitation, that feelings of limitations, and beginning to apply things like parasympathetic, or even, here’s how I’m going to narrate my mental Gremlins, right? We have episodes about that here on becoming zesty. How do I talk back to the habitual negative thoughts I may have picked up over life, and how do I want to interact with them? How do I in my moments of power plan for those times and create safety nets for myself? Ooh, when I hear myself think that I know, I have a note on my phone. That reminds me, Oh, right. This is what we think of that thought. This is what has, this is what changed, right. And this was what we decided, when we were feeling good when we were feeling powerful when we were in our decision making capacities. And as as that begins to stack, right, like those conversations advance, because when you’re doing this stuff, then people talk about it. And when we all talk about it, then feedback happens. And when you get feedback on the things you’re applying, then you get better at applying them. And you diversify. So this conversation can go from crap, I’ve been doing that and I feel bad about it, too. Oh, my gosh, day to day, I get to live a life where there’s feedback. And I get to advance all of us along this path. And I feel really proud of that. That’s a huge shift in perspective that we can have here, right? But think about that from every other perspective. But like every other conversation, every other chance of role modeling every other chance to show what abundance look like what love looks like what creativity looks like, what passion looks like, what safety looks like, is as powerful stuff. So I encourage you to have those conversations. First with yourself. Sometimes, we just need to take a beat to admit something to ourselves, and sit with that. And tiptoe into bringing more of that authenticity, more of that honesty, to our interactions in the world. And using the mirror that the world is to begin to reflect back to us. Where can we go faster in this change thing? Where can we make a bigger, bigger ripple effect for ourselves? And of course, then we know it’s for others too. All of those questions are answered here. I’m sending you lots of love. Thank you for joining us on The becoming zesty podcast. We’d love to see you next Tuesday. sending you lots of love. Bye.