Embracing Authenticity In The Face Of Criticism With Liz Wolfe

In this episode, Dr. Alex Golden and Liz talk about functional medicine and brain-based habit change in the context of leading people into the lives that they want. Through borrowing vulnerable parts of their own stories surrounding personal growth and journey to professional identity, they highlight the necessity of a systemic syncing. Liz gives highlights on insecurity, authenticity, and commitment stressing the requirement for constant identity and value-based life decisioning for a term fulfilled life.

Connect with us:  

Follow us on IG: @becomingzesty

Find us on FB: https://www.facebook.com/BecomingZesty

Visit us at https://becomingzesty.com/ 

Connect with Liz:

Follow her on Instagram: @realfoodliz

Check out her podcast: Balanced Bites: Talk on Food, Fitness, & Life with Liz Wolfe

Use code Liz15 for 15% off https://www.mdlogichealth.com/products/daily-aminos?ref=LIZWOLFE

Transcript:

Hello, hello, this is Dr. Alex here with you. And we have a very special guest on the podcast. Welcome, Liz.

Liz Wolfe 1:47
Thank you. I can call you Alex. Right. Can I absolutely. Okay, good. I always say I was talking to my husband. I was like, I have a podcast with Dr. Alex today. And he’s like, Doctor, I was like your passion? Clicks obviously. He’s like, I bet you could call her Alex.

Dr. Alex Golden 2:01
Yes, you can’t. And honestly, it’s so funny because I started out as Alex and then it actually was sort of like introduced to me. And like added well, and it was in in part for like a good reason. Because I think sometimes my face, the way it looks doesn’t necessarily match what other people’s expectation is for a doctor. Okay, you know. And so I think the team was like, it’s also just easier if everybody knows by the name, but heck, I don’t even wear a white coat most of the time. So I definitely like Alex, your husband was definitely right on that. I

Liz Wolfe 2:42
like it too. I know people that aren’t doctors that wear white coats in their branding and pictures.

Dr. Alex Golden 2:46
So I know it’s a it’s a whole I know, it’s funny, because you would think that I would take advantage of the marketing since a lot of people make the attempt. But it’s funny how when and when you are that you don’t pretend I don’t know. It’s an interesting like, no drive to it. But I’m so happy to talk to you. I know we’ve podcasted together before and you come across but it is always extra special for me. Because really you and Diane, were there, my introduction to doing stuff online and talking about health. And so I just like, I just really am grateful for you and love have loved how this relationship has unfolded over time. It’s just like so fun. I

Liz Wolfe 3:32
love it and love. Love you Diane. I was just texting with her today. Love her. Really?

Dr. Alex Golden 3:36
Yes, Diane. Oh my gosh, I know. Well, actually, I’ve been meaning to reach out to her to have her on the podcast too. So hopefully this is. Yeah, we’ll be in good company. And then I’ll get to say that as well. But yeah, thank you so much for coming on. And you are always doing the next greatest exciting thing that we want to hear about. So I’m glad that we are having you on so to share that here. And so why don’t you for anyone who doesn’t know you, which might probably not our crew anymore, but still any new listeners that we’ve picked up? Tell us a little bit about what you do who you are how you got here.

Liz Wolfe 4:14
Yeah, okay, so I’ll give we were talking about this off the air. I’ll give my official bio so I can try and be a little bit consistent, but it always feels, you know, whatever the whatever I’m feeling like is my you know, endeavor of the day it can feel like oh, today, I’m trainer list. You know, tomorrow I might be author Liz. We’re all we’re all large and contain multitudes and I’m no exception. So this is what I tell people. I’m a nutritional therapy practitioner, and a certified personal trainer, and the author of The Wall Street Journal bestseller Ethio CHS host of the balanced bites podcast, founder of ideal age supplements and daily aminos plus and creator of the own your metabolism program, and no Overall, I think probably the most important thing about me is that I really believe in an efficient, low drama approach to wellness that is individually suited and considered.

Dr. Alex Golden 5:13
Oh, and we love that around here so much. And that is quite the white the badass list? Well,

Liz Wolfe 5:21
it took a long time that that was. That’s that all took 15 years. And I’m still here.

Dr. Alex Golden 5:28
Exactly, we still got still more in the works. I love that. I love that. Well, that’s cool. So how, how did you get into all that, like, early on 15 years, but then actually, really what I want to hear about and really like get into is, there’s these transitions that happen when we are when we take on and step into the identity of being a leader. And it starts to in the beginning, it kind of seems like, you know, it is about our career. It’s what we do. And then it morphs into this whole all consuming identity thing, right? Where it’s like, now we’re living the stuff that we used to talk about. And now you know, other people can react on things, and then time just keeps moving. So that then morphs into other things, and other things and other things. And I think from when you’re starting out, it doesn’t always look, or at least appear that it will be that way. And so for a lot of the discussions that we have on here, I love kind of coming to these kind of introductory stories through that lens, because I think we can all learn so much from what does it look like to cultivate a mindset of like, change and ongoing transformation and identity expansion over a lifetime, right? Like all these really, really big fun, juicy topics, and then things that we can get into. So that was a long winded intro to that question. But I would love to I know you’ve been doing this a while. So like, how has that unfolded for you? And then we can get into where you’re going next? And what that looks like.

Liz Wolfe 7:20
Yeah, this is it’s so interesting to think about this. Also, through the lens of personality types, maybe personality types isn’t the right word. But just as a person over the last probably five to 10 years, I’ve been more open to the idea of typing or at least not labeling, but just figuring out, you know, what the tendencies are naming them so I can identify them and then hopefully, circumvent some of the more challenging tendencies and harness the ones that are you know, better and, and move me forward better. But one of the things I’ve learned is and I learned this from Diane and she she introduced me to this concept is that I really am an obliger. It’s the very simple Gretchen Rubin framework for how you respond to expectations. And what’s there’s obliger and there’s questioner and there’s rebel and there’s upholder. And my husband is an upholder. So my husband, if he sees something, if he sees sets a goal, he achieves that so he, you know, got to the top of his field, having he’ll probably kill me for saying this, but he had to take the SATs multiple times. If I had to do that, I probably would have been like, No, not for me, I can’t do this. But he was like, I’m going to do this. And so these are the steps I have to take to get there. I might be a little circuitous. But this is the goal, and I’m holding myself to it, and I’m getting there. And you know, he’s amazing. In that way. I’m more. What do you want from me? Okay, I’ll do that for you. And that really was wonderful in those early years of this business where I felt like people were communicating that they wanted a holistic practitioner that was also versed in the Paleo framework. So I started out in Paleo CrossFit world I was a CrossFit level one certified coach for you know, as long as it took for that certification to expire. So for a minute, and and so I did that and was just kind of, I don’t want to say bouncing around. But you know, Diane reached out to me and was like, Hey, I’m doing a podcast, will you do it with me? And I was like, Sure, I’ll be your sidekick. And so just kind of responding to expectations and, and creating things based on what people were articulating to me that they needed that I felt maybe I was uniquely suited to do. And then you know, you grow up and you things change and you have kids and you have mortgages and you have to reshuffle priorities you have to make sure you are making the type of consistent income that you need to make you need to make sure you’re making time for the new people that have come into your life and and all of that. So. So that’s a part of the evolution. It’s not just a professional evolution, it’s all of the other things. And through that, and I think this is this is a winding road. But at the beginning, it was so much fun. And it was exciting. And I was loving it. And the things that I was creating were really just aligned because they weren’t about money. And so that I think enabled me to start assembling a community that was just like, so we were just so bonded, and we still are there people that have been with me for more than a decade, which is really, really cool. And those people have always kind of been my litmus test, since then, you know, is this going to be useful or not? So I’ve kind of refined the type of feedback that I take in, I have people in my community that I really cherish their, their ideas and their feedback. And I don’t know, it’s just, it feels like people have been really just with me for a long time and supportive. So that’s made it easier recently, there’s been some drama, which we can absolutely talk about, I’m totally open to that. But it’s funny, what what people see versus what they don’t see. And especially with the pace of social media and the evolution of things, it’s like, if people don’t, if you present something to people that was unexpected, it can feel really jarring, I think, to people, not to me personally, because I’m here, and I’ve been the same. And so this, I’m the same person changing. You know, that’s just part of it, we all change. But if people feel like they missed something with the nature of social media, now, it feels a little bit like a betrayal. So I think that that’s the adjustment period that we’re in right now. Which happy to talk about.

Dr. Alex Golden 11:44
Yeah, absolutely. And, yeah, maybe you could sort of just set that up, because it’s, it’s so true. There’s, we talk about the seven step transformation process. And the first six steps are more of the internal game, because that’s where we have control. But Step seven is the up level. And that’s where we are figuring out how to integrate the new us into our environment, which there’s a lot of questions, do we how do you explain it? How do you? What is your goal with that, like, are you trying to get people to come with is that a persuasion process? Is a thought leadership? Do we need a clean house? Is this a boundary setting kind of scenario? Do we not even need to be here anymore? Like, there’s a lot of questions that get come up in the upper level because of what you’re describing. And what we have seen, just statistically speaking with the number of people that we work with each year and over the years, is that that’s very common when people do all the work, and then get to that part, and I’m catching a lot of heat for this. And then turn right back around and say, that must not be the right thing. Let me go back and start again. Yeah. And so I think that’s why any time that people who are in the game can are willing to share like that it’s such a valuable interaction, like pieces of information to gather from somebody because that process if we, you know, if we’re all going to come up against that in the transformation process, the more that we can learn from each other, especially someone like you, you’ve been toeing that line on the leading edge for a long time now, right, expanding into conversations that aren’t societally real comfortable. So yes, absolutely. The more that you’re willing to share. I’d love to get into all that. Oh,

Liz Wolfe 13:47
yeah, I’ll share. You just, you know, stop me at any point where you’re like, Okay, let’s not let’s not talk about that, or let’s dig more into that. So yeah, no, no, it’s been, it’s just been really interesting. And I think I’ve narrowed, like I said, I’ve had people that have been with me for a decade and a half. It used to be that I took all of the feedback from everybody. And to a degree, this has been exposure therapy that has taken me 15 years to care a little bit less what the, you know, the masses have to say, not that they’re wrong or not that they’re not entitled to their opinion, but does does it need to change what I’m doing? And for a long time it would have And so finally, I think I got to that point where I’ve gotten so used to being out there and getting older now. And you know, I’m looking at this younger generation of social media kids and just thinking, I’m an OG like, I don’t need to, I don’t need to buy into that anymore. So anyway, I still take a lot of feedback and I take it to heart for my people, especially that have been with me for a long time and feedback thoughtfully given. You can you can sniff that out. You know, if somebody sends me a message and I can tell like They’re earnest, they are open to conversation, of course, I’ll take that beat feedback. But by far over the last like, six months or so, I have gotten probably the most aggressive and, and I say this lovingly but entitled feedback that I’ve ever gotten. And that’s not to say people don’t have a right to give it. It, but it’s my choice how I take that feedback. And like you were saying, How do I stop what I’m doing? How do I integrate it? Do I use that too? And there’s those conversations in marketing too, where it’s like, Who are you people, you have to niche down and serve your person. And to a degree, I get that, but also, that can really separate you from your internal compass, that I don’t think I’m Yes, that. Yeah. So not sure I am that. Yeah, we you go you have something insightful to say I could? No,

Dr. Alex Golden 15:54
no, I didn’t know. It’s actually izes. I’m like getting lit up by the conversation. Because what you’re bringing up is so very true. It’s like, it’s there’s good business practices. And there’s helpful concepts, like finding your niche and doing, you know, serving them for a period of time so that you’re known for something like I don’t, I think like you, I don’t disagree with the concepts. But that’s where here’s se when we’re doing certifications, and we’re teaching our things, the main one of the main focuses from the get go is connection between you and you. Because the whole rub is that all of us deviate from the standard business practices, because that’s how customization happens, right? And healthcare you like you have the Customize, you have the plan that is accepted under insurance, but then you might tweak some stuff, right for the individual person. So as a concept, it’s not that crazy. It’s not unbelievable. But what’s tricky is that like, how do you deviate away from the herd when you’ve been programmed to want to be part of it, and then are triggered by things like rejection, and judgment? And right, and so maybe that’s why you saw my face? I was like, oh, yeah, because this kind of topic obviously is like, so impactful to speak on, because then I feel like this is how in real time subconscious reprogramming as I either have or listen to conversations like this, it always helps me live a little more comfortably. And the truth of this was like Courage game, you know, like, we’re talking about things where it just takes courage to say, Oh, I know, I also took that business program. And I did learn that and I do know it, and I’m not going to do it. Like we learned English, but some people write poetry. And so that that courage is kind of all part of the uplevel process. But yes, that that is why I got excited. What what happened in that, like, where did you feel like your transition was that people are now in the last six months seeing because a lot of times, people feel like they already went through it. They’re like, Oh, I don’t know, you guys are just late to the party, which is, of course, something you brought up in that trail feeling. So how’d that go?

Liz Wolfe 18:20
Oh, okay. So I should probably give specifics to it. Okay, I’ll say one, I’ll say one thing quickly. There’s nothing as there’s a million things going on, you know, those balls of electricity where you put your finger on one point and the lightning goes to that finger. It’s like we’re moving the fingers around. So one of the things that I think happens in our industry, which is the health industry, broadcast to people, is that some people that becomes their whole sense of self. And I think what has happened over the last 510 years for me is that I’ve been so fortunate. And I think part of this comes to the fact that I’m a military wife, I’ve cultivated such strong community that do not care what I do for a living, I didn’t meet them through this, I didn’t cultivate that relationship through my professional life. And so while I have industry friends, I also have been really privileged to have these other communities around me. And and so that has enabled me and it wasn’t intentional, but I think that has what has enabled me to not be so insecurely attached to what I have built professionally, you know, that idea of insecure attachment where you’re just like, Oh, God, like I can’t make anybody mad. I have to I don’t want that. So that is something that has been cultivated on my behalf over time by the universe Thank you universe, thank you know, whatever, because that is not something that was happening intentionally but the so I’ll be more specific about what has happened recently. So I’ve spent a very long time on the balanced bites Podcast and elsewhere saying things like, kind of fighting the undercurrent of everybody wants to lose weight, nobody’s okay with their body. Right? Like we and you all have done this as well. Yeah, who are we other than this number on a scale? And why do we care so much? And who has made us care? And are we healthy or not? I mean, if you were given the choice of looking a certain way, whatever this set of values that has been foisted upon you, by society over decades, and childhood conditioning, and seeing your mother diet and all of that stuff, do you want that really? Or do you want to be healthy and happy, and what people would actually choose, and I’ve leaned on 100%, not just leaned on, I’ve been 100% in the camp of happy and healthy, and thus gave up any kind of tracking, weighing and measuring any of that, happily, and I’ve lived my life that way for a long time. And during that process of detaching from the emotion, of how much quantifying scale all of that, I learned to be really curious, what is my body doing? And what does it mean? Does it mean anything? Am I still able to do the things that I want to do without having to worry about those things? So an encouraging people don’t worry about the last five pounds, don’t worry about the last 15 pounds, don’t worry about the last 50 pounds, just take care of yourself, and, you know, detach yourself from that narrative. Okay, so there’s that. And then, over the last couple of years, I was like, you know, I’m not feeling as at home in my body as I used to feel, maybe that’s having two kids, maybe that stress, maybe that’s aging, I don’t know. So I thought, I think I actually might feel more comfortable. If I was a little closer to you, I didn’t think about a weight number or a body composition number. But I just knew I’d feel a little more comfortable, as in a different container. And nothing crazy, but just maybe a little closer to where I used to feel at home. You know, that’s something that every individual, it’s a feeling. It’s not something that you can quantify, it’s a feeling and being the curious individual that I am, and the person that does really weird things and always has, you know, I’ve I not saying that I was the first one to drop raw liver in a smoothie, but I definitely was one of the early adopters of that practice. This was before, there was desiccated liver pills and stuff like that. I’ve done that. I’ve experimented with a lot of things. I’ve used black self, I shouldn’t even throw these things out there. But I am very open to experimenting and owning the consequences. Not an I’m not a biohacker. I’m not always doing weird stuff. It’s not like that. But certain things pop up. And they’re interesting to me. So I had been researching these, actually, these GLP, one agonist, these weight loss peptides, we know them as ozempic and Manjaro and set bound and we’ll go V. But I had been aware of the precursor lyric Ruta liraglutide for a very long time, had done some research around that, and whether it affects body weight, setpoint, just really interested in the physiology of our bodies, and how we and how they change over time. So I was like, you know, I’m interested in feeling a little more at home in my body, but I’m not interested in being hungry. And I’m also interested in some of the side benefits that these peptides seem to have. And so I did them for about seven months ish. And when I finally started talking about it, people were very upset. I had people say that your whole life is a lie. And people say your whole career is a lie. And you know, it bugged me for like, 15 minutes, because I don’t like to be misunderstood. But also, but also it’s not mine. That’s not mine to carry. And overwhelmingly there were people coming to me that were like Liz. And this gets to a whole nother point. And I’ll stop talking in a second. But I could talk about this all day. But I think that we have overcorrected where of course, we want people to nourish themselves, not worry about the number on the scale. But also I think some of what I had been doing in years past had made people feel guilt and shame around the fact that they didn’t feel at home in their bodies. And like, I’m not supposed to want to change it. I’m stuck here. Because because it’s bad to want to change your body. It’s bad to not accept yourself. It’s not about not accepting yourself. It’s about that intuitive knowing that your body is not necessarily in equilibrium. So that’s, that’s all it was. And I think that was painful for people to to accept. I think it was disorienting for people to feel like they know who I am. But no, they don’t know who I am. And in the end, it’s just it’s just me looking for efficiency hacks and making decisions that are good for myself and and talking about them.

Dr. Alex Golden 25:08
I love that. I love that and how were they I assume I let me Well, let me not assume when you say 15 minutes, was that a literal 13 minutes or a metaphorical 15 minutes,

Liz Wolfe 25:22
it was a metaphorical 15 minutes, so as to say I’m over it now. But I was for sure throwing out some stuff on my Instagram stories where I was a little huffy, and doing some screenshots and calling some people out for just being kinda nasty, which, you know, wasn’t that wasn’t a place that I wanted to stay in for very long, huh? Yeah. Okay.

Dr. Alex Golden 25:41
Yeah. So what was that, like? Internally on it? And it is, it’s an interesting thing to break down because there’s the outward, the marketing and the public component of it. And then there’s the internal experience. And then there’s figuring out what you want to do with both of those. So how did it when it I know, you know, you said misunderstood and things like that. But was there it sounds like you also were finding some validity and their experience and speaking to that later on, but like when it was first landing, how did that go? Or how was that? Well,

Liz Wolfe 26:29
the initial response? Well, here’s, I had talked about it. In a couple different podcasts, I had talked to Jessica Flanagan Brown, and I’ve been like, alive and experience I’ve been experienced, I love her so much. Oh, my gosh, amazing. Yes, I had thrown out there that I had used some or that I was experimenting with peptides. And you know, sometimes when you are like, in the industry, you call things something different. Like when I talk about peptide therapy, I was I didn’t realize that everybody didn’t know what I was talking about, probably. So I had thrown it out there a couple times. And I’m not a process documenter. So for me, I felt like I needed to see how the whole process unfolded to be able to speak to it. Versus like, I’m doing this, and I’m gonna tell you every step of the way, which is what people do online now to keep people engaged with their content. And but for me, I need to, I need to do I can do it. I can’t either. And I still throw it out there, here. And there. I didn’t explain it too much. But a little bit. Yes. It wasn’t a big, you know, hidden thing. But I happen to do a podcast with Michelle Shapiro, who is the what’s not my alter ego, but she is the opposite of me. And so I’m like Midwest, like, make everybody happy. Want to contextualize everything in a way people can really resonate with. And then Michelle is like, no, Liz, like, just say the words that you’re what say the words, you know, and so she’s very bold, very New York, you know, and so I love that and, and so we hopped on a podcast together and, and it just, we just started talking about it. And in that moment, it was like a very vulnerable moment where I was like, Oh, I didn’t even have a speech prepared, like, how am I going to make sure everybody gets their needs met in this moment, and nobody’s mad at me. But it was the best possible thing that could have happened, because I realized, like, if this is a transitional moment, awesome, if I have people here that don’t like this, then I can release them. And they can release themselves. And they can move on to a person or a place on the internet that’s more well suited to them and their needs. And then I can start talking to the people who feel like they see a piece of themselves in me, and I can help them and talk to them and create for them. These things that are I hate the word authentic, because I feel like I’m supposed to hate the word authentic. But these things that are authentic to me. And that goes back to what you’re creating. When you’re creating based on your own experience and your, your truly like authentic self, the things you care about, and the things that you’re doing for yourself. The things that you create are so much more powerful and so much more helpful and useful to people. And I want to be useful to people. So I think that’s, that’s the track that we’re on. I can’t be useful to everybody. But I can certainly, you know, let people fly like, you know, release release you to a place where you will find more of what you need. Yeah.

Dr. Alex Golden 29:22
Is that like, is that something that you lean on? Often where you can so you understand what you’re doing? And that’s the explanation like You’re like I can I can bless and release here. And I can keep going because I understand why is that kind of like the Yeah, this is what I’m about. And that’s why I can weather this stuff. Is that how life works for you? Yeah, I like

Liz Wolfe 29:48
that. And also, I think I saw I turned 40 This year, or last year, and it was a moment where you know, I have these people that depend on me And I had a moment where I thought to myself, am I doing this thing? Or not? Am I going to? Am I going to have an online presence and make a living and create things that are useful to people? Or am I going to dabble and be like, Hey, I love this product, you could buy this, here’s my Amazon link, which is not my personality, it would be inauthentic. But I’ve been kind of holding on to this online business for a while just wondering where it was gonna go. And when I turned 40, it was like, I’m either going to stop altogether and be with my people, and make these people my job. Which, by the way, they’re supposed to be your job. That’s they are my job. I love them. They’re my job. They’re my number one priority, obviously always been, you

Dr. Alex Golden 30:40
know, they grow up and they grow up. You know, yeah,

Liz Wolfe 30:44
all of that. But it was definitely that moment, or I was like, am I going to do something or not. And so, and so I’m doing something, I hired a full time employee, I have a team now, like, created the supplement created the metabolism program. And I have busied myself with creating instead of busying myself with concern over what other people are worried about, and I think that’s big, too.

Dr. Alex Golden 31:07
I love it. I love it. Honestly, we, we say that around here often as well. It’s like we’re looking for people who are more committed to helping the world than they are their fears and limitations, we just have that locked and loaded. Because that is kind of what what you’re saying and just in different words of what am I deciding to take responsibility for? And that makes me more resilient to these things? Where? Yeah, it’s like, in a way the comments created the cocoon, it sounds like for that decision to be made by you is that I back out,

Liz Wolfe 31:53
I think, well, and all of this happened. A lot of this was already in the works. I’m pointing out by the way, I’m not just like pointing but this is my whiteboard already going on. But this was like the the bow, you know, where I was like, You know what, I’m on the right track. And it was interesting, because I think if I had been creating any of this 10 years ago, I would have hit that roadblock and been like, like maybe this isn’t it. Maybe this isn’t what I was, should be doing. But this was a moment, I talked about my friend RC, you know, RC, and she’s been unbelievable. Throughout this process. She is such a hype girl. She’s so well informed, but she’s that person that has been like No, Liz, this is good. Like, this is where we say thank you. And, and we keep going. And so that’s where it’s been. Yeah.

Dr. Alex Golden 32:46
I love that. I love that. Do you feel like in the rest, having made that decision to be committed to that authentic self? And, you know, I’m with you on the overuse of authentic. But I will say it has fallen out to be one of my favorite words. It’s a great word. Yeah, because like, that’s kind of I’m like, for better or worse, that’s the best I can bring to the table for Alex. At the very end, all I can say is, well, at least this is me whether you like it or not is up to you. Yes, exact, but I you know, that’s what I got this this is this is what I got. And that’s cool. And yeah, it’s so true that on that with the with the authenticity portion of just like coming out and saying and putting it out there, then a lot of times I feel like as much as you can get some pushback from like, you know, the comments and maybe like, no parents or partners will be like, Are you sure you want to do that? That seems crazy or whatever. But I think also there’s oftentimes other universal confirmations instead. And a lot of times I feel like when someone decides is like, sometimes their health can improve, or their kids, their relationship with their kids improves, or their partnership members or anything like that, like dah, dah Have you noticed things like that happening in your life to where it’s like, yeah, this sucks, but like, look at all this magic over here, too. Yes,

Liz Wolfe 34:23
yes. And it’s wild to just the amount of strenuous like physical. The actual physical and mental commitment that I have had to harness and leverage over the last however many months has been the I can’t believe that I’ve had the capacity for all of this. But because it’s aligned. Things are things are good. My kids are good and the challenges are okay and my marriage is good and he’s working his tweet. Do we cuss on this? Okay, he’s working his we’re not really at He, he’s working as a off on multiple projects too. But we looked at each other the other day, and we were like, this is working, you know, because we are in alignment. And that’s part of that whole authenticity, thing. It all just feels possible. And this is a season, I’m not going to put my body through this kind of strenuous, you know, activity forever. But, but it feels it feels that aligned. Hmm.

Dr. Alex Golden 35:27
I really like that you share that, because I think I can sound a little scary, you know, we get a lot of people listening to the podcast who are started, but earlier on in the process. Now, granted, we have a decent amount of people who are along the way. But you know, when we’re talking about even a long term, something as like five years is different than 15. It’s kind of like marriage, like you just hit certain goalposts. Yes, you go, and it changes. And then the challenges are different, and things evolve. And so I like that it can seem a little scary, right? To get to like you, I just got my feet, I may have figured it out. And now you’re saying 10 years down the road, I might change and now all of a sudden there might be bloat blowback. And I have to deal with this. And oh, my, what if, what if that happens? And do I even really want that, like, right now, right, there gonna be a lot of fear associated with it. But I think that’s where, and talking about it. The The flip side is also really, really, it’s much more magical than playing it safe. Right? When when we seek out that stability in the security, we get it, but it doesn’t, it’s also missing that real like this just lined up. And this is something I couldn’t have even imagined and that kind of stuff. But I feel like the corollary that’s important to share, because not always I listen podcast, and I get off and I’m like, Why do I feel so panic in my chest? You know, I was like, I’m so grateful that you shared what it’s really like, but oh my gosh, that sounds scary. But I like that this conversation has included both of those components. Because I absolutely have found that to be true, as well as that, like, as the problems get more hold more responsibility associated with them, like more people and employees and you know, things like that, that you’re managing. At the same time, the flip side is the rest of my life with, it seems like and I don’t know, if you feel this way, too, it’s almost less effort than I’ve had to put into those things like we it I don’t, I used to be like what marriage class needs to happen or like my, you know, coaching or something like that. And it’s interesting how, you know, when I live my day, from an identity of I’m proud to be this kind of business owner. It’s not that different of who I am proud to be in partnership. So it’s like, Hmm, who knew that I didn’t need to have all this mental space and energy for like, each individual thing getting hunted down and being forced into this, like, configuration? That looks good? Yes. Yeah. I don’t even know what happens. It just,

Liz Wolfe 38:25
it just, it just became right. And it’s working. Yes.

Dr. Alex Golden 38:30
Oh, it wasn’t right. I could put more words to it. I’m, you know, I’m a scientist really at heart. But like, Yeah,

Liz Wolfe 38:38
I think that’s so good. And it’s not. I was saying the other day, on another podcast, that, that I’m not good enough. You know, people need to get comfortable with not good enough. But then the way I look at it is not good enough is good enough. I don’t know this is like a circuitous way to even say this, but you know, there are beautiful, I have one in my office, there are beautiful plants that don’t need to be watered all that much. And maybe, you know, we are creating it, I think about my kids or you can think about your marriage but you you pour in to things at the pace and the frequency that they need to be poured into. And maybe I was a little too focused on like what you were saying tracking down every little tiny opportunity to optimize, nurture and nourish whatever, when really what maybe my kids needed was a little more independence and a little more trust that they could figure certain things out that I was figuring out for them. My three year old went and got a butter knife the other day and spread some butter on a piece of sourdough bread. And I was like, what, like I didn’t even know you knew.

Dr. Alex Golden 39:53
Where the silverware I don’t know we learn that without me. Exactly.

Liz Wolfe 39:57
But guess what it’s like the veal Go for her to learn that was for me to stop doing for her as she’s like putting her own pants on. This is a whole nother thing people are like, Why are you putting your three year olds pants on for her. She’s a very typical second child, where she just is very, she wouldn’t have pants on if I didn’t put the pants on her. But she’s like putting her own pants on. And I feel like I gave so many of these parts of my life, the room to grow in their own time. And for a while I was like, I’m ignoring everybody and everything. And it’s a season and I’ve just got some work that I have to get through. And then we’ll have the summer together. But what I’ve witnessed is a level of growth and assembling around each other that was not there before. And it’s pretty cool.

Dr. Alex Golden 40:46
I love that I have so found that to be true. And you you explained it perfectly. It’s yeah, that room for it’s almost like he like heals the insecurity part of if they no matter the flavor, like, if they learn it without me, then Am I really that valuable? Or if I don’t show up, then you know, how will that sound in the therapists office when they’re 30? You know, like, like, am I don’t put the pants on, right? It was like, Well, I wander around my house for a while. Although I can say as an adult, I would also if it wasn’t societally forced upon me, I also wouldn’t put on pants. I wear dresses a lot. They’re casual. But, you know, like, it is an interesting part of so often. I was like, I’m so well intentioned. And so I’m trying to do this stuff. But then I really had to stop and go. Is that really well intentioned? If I’m just trying to alleviate my own insecurities, right, if me having to be there for you? Sounds great. But it’s actually for me, or you. Maybe I’m not quite as blame if you know, fill in the blank, because I am wanting to be and I think that that had exactly what you described the way it has, it was almost like a I wonder if our hand has to be forced a little bit to step away to give enough time because I don’t think I would have put it down on my own.

Liz Wolfe 42:22
Yes, I think our hands does have to be forced. That was another thing that was on my mind. One of the things that RC has said is the people that make it, the people that make a go of the things they’re after are the people that have to, or they’re the people that have family money. So it’s not a risk. So like our brains are always protecting us from risk, they want us to stay safe. Yeah. And the only way you can push yourself out of that safety zone is to in some ways, like to force it to create a scenario where you have to make it work, or you don’t have to make it work and you’re just playing around at it, you know?

Dr. Alex Golden 42:58
Yeah, yeah, that’s actually very true. I have one thing we’ve learned from certifying a lot of people is that even and what sounds like dire situations, often time being miserable, and not having money is still not enough to move people. Yep. Yep, they will say all the right things that will be like, I’m gonna make all this money I’m gonna do I’ll help all these people. So at the end of the day, if there’s not something else that is moving somebody to action, like, I’m really committed to this, or having this or showing this to my kids or whatever, at the end of the line, as long as you’re surviving, most people are going to be fine with that. Yep.

Liz Wolfe 43:40
For me, this is interesting. I care. Obviously, I want to be useful to people. That’s huge. But that was never enough for me to build something truly sustainable, well structured with a future. And, and I’m so much more oriented toward that now. And part of it was I hired my first full time employee, and I feel the weight of that responsibility where she is learning. We’re creating this together. Like, I know her family. I know her husband, my daughter was her flower girl, and I’m like, we’re doing this together. It’s not just me, because I would have been okay.

Dr. Alex Golden 44:17
Yeah, right. And it’s a different level than to say, oh, shoot, well, we better make money. We have employees and their families are depending on this income. It is very different. And I love that and I think it alleviates a lot of thank you so much for sharing that. A lot of people like is valid. All the reasons that we say we want to be successful or wealthy or whatever, are generally valid, like right people will say I want to do it for my kids. I want to build a legacy, all that stuff. But I found is that without kind of vetting out the different then 10 City of them how much bind is the emotional body have with each one of those reasons, just because it’s valid doesn’t mean that it reverberates in a way that moves us to action, especially when it comes to action. That’s scary. And you need a little or a lot of courage for. Right. And so it’s it has been interesting. I did, like, I want to help people, I want to leave a legacy, all that stuff is true. But it is interesting how on my days where I’m feeling, maybe less motivated. Just the concept of I’m gonna feel proud when my head hits the pillow at night often will get me to move in a way that’s more effective that day. And it’s so much really smaller of a goal. But that’s the thing. And I guess we’re looping about back to the beginning of our conversation. And that’s to say, if I can’t deviate from that, if I can’t say like, well, it’s not a good enough reason to be moved to action. Let me focus on this legacy thing, but then it doesn’t actually move me I’ve just done myself a huge disservice. Yeah. Right. So for me to downplay that on any given day, I mean, I just really had to stop and say, Hmm, okay, I actually do value, how I feel about myself at night. And I do value that it sets me up for success and movement the next day. So you know why I made that may not be what people want to hear on the podcast, like, why do you do this? It’s like, also, I can fall asleep at night. Like, and feel. But I mean, yeah, like no one. When I do that, like, no one hands me a trophy. I don’t get like money for feeling good about myself like that. It just doesn’t sound like much. So it’s like, it’s hard to really, like, you’re not gonna make sales based off that. But at the same time, like, for me to then sit on a podcast and lie, like if I was sitting here and saying, yeah, that legacy moves me. Someone else is sitting there going, Gosh, well, then I can’t deviate. Right. And so there’s just so helpful that you can be like, that wasn’t enough. Like, it sounds great. It is great. I really do mean it. But it is not enough for me to create a lifetime of purpose. Yeah, around that concept. Yeah.

Liz Wolfe 47:21
Well, that goes back to another lesson. I feel like I’ve learned which is these things are so individual, like we go create, make whatever you want. Do it however you want to do it. There is room for everybody. We are all questioning ourselves way too much. If what motivates you is not what motivates somebody else. That’s fine, if that’s your Wii. And I think I did that for too long to that I felt like a business had to look like something, or my motivation or my marketing or whatever had to look like something. No, just go. You’re gonna learn all these things by doing. I’ve never learned anything more powerful than what I’ve learned by doing. So do go do things. Yeah.