Is This Right For Me Anymore?

Dr. Alex discuss the importance of recognizing when to persevere and when to stop in various aspects of life, as well as the significance of choice and commitment in personal growth. She emphasizes the need to be aware of signs and being open to change, and the importance of making conscious decisions and staying committed to them. She also shares her insights on how to approach life’s challenges with a growth mindset, self-awareness, and inner peace, encouraging listeners to embrace change and take calculated risks while being honest with oneself and showing up with courage.

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Dr. Alex Golden
Hello, hello, welcome to the Becoming Zesty Podcast. I’m so so so glad that you are here. Welcome. Today we are going to be talking about something really important. I had a cool experience with another physician. And he had such an amazing metaphor for a common thing that happens in life. And it’s more kind of on the topic of How do you know when things are coming up in life because there’s like, kind of the the issues that we create over and over again to resolve something and whereas or to create kicking up our own little sandstorm? Or how do we know if it’s like time to just take the take the hint, right? Like something’s coming up because there’s information for us. And so it’s a it’s a fair enough question. Because half the time, you know, people kind of focus on more of the I’m starting something or and I’m having a hard time making myself do it where I started, but then I fall off. But the thing that most people don’t end up talking about is what happened? How do you know when it’s time to stop doing something? How will you know when a season of life has come to some sort of end or conclusion or it has run its course or maybe a passion thing or maybe something that you are really motivated by? And then it comes to an end? And it’s like is this a problem and, and this was really relevant to me this is actually not what I was talking about with him. But I was speaking and I have experience from around the fact that I went to school for a really long time to become a doctor, right. So as a physician, there was a lot of training that was after college and then that started. And so really the common belief right is like if you spend a lot of time doing something, then you stick with it. Same with like, I we’ve been in a relationship with this person a really long time. We’re going to see it through. And and so for the most part, we get the most kudos and life or sticking something out. And obviously when it comes to perseverance and seeing something through to results, and all of that other great stuff is cool, it’s good. All of those things are really, really valid. And what is also valid is the experience of like, I don’t know what I don’t know, right? And so when we are programmed in childhood with whatever we saw witness got told life work, like that’s the setup that we walk around with. So even when it comes to, you know, I create my own turmoil. That’s most people does most of us write it myself included is that we don’t know, we don’t know. And we don’t know the filter is there until something happens that alerts us to that reality of Oh, right. I expect people to not see me. Therefore I respond with this habitually, but really, sometimes it’s well, they’re not actually even saying that I just did it. That thing is that is that, that programming often happened before a conscious thought was developed, like the portions of the brain. And so in some ways, we have to have some acceptance when we do this work of, yes, I hold all the responsibility of dealing with what happened? Yes, it is up to me to decide how I want to approach that and what I want to do or if I even want to change anything, but part of the conversation has to include that you didn’t end up with that on completely on your own. So if you take 100% responsibility of what happened, well, what are you going to do with the stuff that happened while you were a baby? Right? Or the stuff that you heard that would be for you were old enough to go well, I heard otherwise, in this smart person’s have this and I can make it you know, no two year old or 18 month old is going to have the capacity to do so we just accept life, how it is right. And so with this discussion, we got to understand that this topic is not something that we’re like expected to pray no. And in fact, that’s part of the discussion here is that somehow we have to reconcile as adults, the not knowing what I didn’t know until I did no portion. And because without it, it’s really hard to know when to stop doing something, right? The I put in a lot of effort on it, and I don’t want to lose out on it. It’s a dicey move, because it essentially says, If I started already, I have to keep going. So that’s what my day is going to be filled with. So then I have very little opportunity, then read aside. So that takes away some of my agency. And that’s why, you know, we’re having a conversation around it. But it’s like when you are in the place of letting know, Why is this here in my life? Or why? Why can I not let it go? When I like this pattern of needing to prove I’m good enough. I even maybe had the aha that I had it. And now it’s time to stop doing it. This is what the metaphor that this doctor told me about. He’s like, life’s kind of like a GPS. And Elena. That’s something that Megan and I talked about as a metaphor as a were like, Oh, actually, I’m tracking but then he switched it on me. He was like, you know, you have you put in where you are you put in your destination. And then you go but isn’t it true that it’s like 30 miles on this road, and then you get off on an accident, you get onto another interstate and then you drive that for 50 miles, and then you get off and you go on a two lane highway, and then you get off a little road and then you take another 270 miles. And what he said was that, at some point, we need to have a way internally to say, hey, the X is coming in two miles. And then it’s coming in a mile. And then it’s coming in point two miles. And then it’s 500 feet, and it’s time to get off. Right. And so what are the things we have in place, and I was tracking them the second he started time, I was like, Oh my gosh, that those are all those are all the times in life where we’re like, I was really passionate. I thought this is what I was going to do in life. But it didn’t turn out to be and what do most people do? They’re like, it didn’t work out. I read the signs wrong, right. So it didn’t work out the universe, or God is wrong. I didn’t read it right, I’m wrong. From that place of low emotional state. Most people are not super jazzed to go find their most expansive opportunity. You see how that works. Like, you know, if your brain filters set on how bad you did things and want you to where is the opportunity to see all of these beautiful potentials and all of these opportunities that could turn into something that’s you’re not in that neighborhood. Like that’s not where you’ve chosen to hang out and spend your time. And so from that place, we have to remember that we got to ask ourselves a little better questions and look at things from a perspective that empowers us to move on to the next thing because if we treat every exit sign of I went successfully on this or like for me, I realized wow, I love training to become a doctor and I loved being one and I love being one now it’s just that now it becomes I took the exit design was what shocked me a little bit about that but essentially then it was time to go on to the next road but all of this stuff I had picked up all the knowledge all of the training all of the hard work all the persevere Friends have the mindset that I can do it. And thus, everything I picked up in those years was not lost. I live it and I apply it every single day. And it improves my life drastically. And I saw it so clearly when he did that metaphor and told me because it really did remind me Oh, yes, I worried when I was gonna put that down. Because was I wasting something? Or was I making a silly decision, but I might for me to open up practices shortly in the future, that are staffed by trained professionals who can approach not only the physical body, but the emotional, mental and spiritual well being of someone and how that relates to healing. That makes me so freakin excited. Right? Like, yeah, it wasn’t the picture I had in my head. At all, doesn’t not at all how I thought life would go, probably no surprise there. But But like, when I really think about what that new level looks like, I’m like, I’m so proud of that, that time where Ijust meet with people one on one hand to come to them. And so I could see when I talk to other health care providers, and when I begin to teach on that level, think of how much more people get help in the world, right? When there’s a whole army of practitioners who are able to speak to someone’s heart and can be like, does this work? Does this plan work for you? What beliefs are stirred up here? What may? What may impact you to not do this? What, what may keep you from taking action, when we do all that kind of work. And we show people that level of care and love and wholeness approaching them from a whole place? That makes me so excited, right? And it’s so different from me thinking, Well, okay, I did something wrong, I never should have gone to med school, I never should have done this, I wasted all that money, you know, like, and that the GPS really, I think is just one of those where I find some thoughts to be like, our safety blanket thoughts, right? There’s something there like the teddy bear of making you feel better. And I feel like that hit me so hard. Like, I just felt it in my spirit, like, wow, I’ve been I’ve been making myself wrong for following the GPS that I was given I would came with, and what a beautiful thing for me to be able to have my own intuition and to have my own self awareness of who I am. And to be like, This is no longer feeling right for me in the same way. And then to trust myself to take that leap, see myself through and find the magic on the other side. It’s such a fulfilling way to live. And there’s so much less guilt and blame and shame and all of those things that really hurt when we engage in them, like we hurt our own feelings with that kind of stuff. And at the end of the day, it’s not even necessary write it goes, it ends up being in one of the buckets of like, when I let myself be when I just say, I will know when it’s time to move. I will know when it’s time to go. Even when I feel the resistance life will come remind me and these people keep mentioning all these things over and over again. Now let me go look that up, right. But what I find really reassuring in life is that even though you can get into a bit of a pickle on the programming, and then not seeing that you’re in the running the program, what’s cool about that is that we have a built in near in the world to reflect to us back people do the stuff that whatever they’re going to do. And that’s our opportunity to be like, Why is this in my life? What is this here to show me? Or if it’s coming from it? Why is there a loss of passion? Why do not why do I not feel like this is aligned for me? Why do I not feel drawn to this anymore? And allowing the future to unfold rather than loop you back in a U turn on the road of life to take you back to let’s dissect more of what could have been should have been may have been wrong. I mean, I could keep going. But I think you get the whole gist is that that doesn’t get us anywhere. You’re not further down the road. Did you spin your wheels? Yes. Did you use the gas? Yes. Did you use the oil? Yes. Did you I don’t know enough about cars to keep the metaphor going. But right, you did use some but it didn’t get you to the results that were so this is a way to help guide ourselves back to I don’t need to engage in that. That’s not how life works. If I can’t go back, I can go back. If I already made the decision, there’s a reason I made that decision. Now I get to read aside, but no longer is that old decision eligible for kind of a redo. Therefore, I’m not going to think about it as if I have the illusion that I have the redo. It’s honestly really freeing. There was there’s been times in my life where I didn’t want to see that because I was like, if I diagnose myself correctly on what I did wrong in the past, I won’t create it. But that’s essentially that’s where I was saying, I don’t want to follow the GPS, I hope is a straight road, and there’s nowhere to get off and I get put on it. And it’s the most magical thing ever. And that’s all it is, except for, uh, you know, where they have straight rows that don’t deviate going people like Nebraska and stuff, you know, like, stays where, generally they’re not the destinations for place to go. Now, I love levar. You know, I’m only picking on Nebraska. But like, you know, pick your flat. I’m from an Illinois pick on Indiana exam. I’m live there for a long time, right? Driving through Indiana. Yeah, you can stay on one road, but it’s boring as all get out. I like Indiana, the way it looks. And my point remains is that at the end of the day, we ask the question is, is that what you want life to be? Like? Really? Do you want it to be a set and forget it? Do you want to just coast along doing the same thing, decade after decade after decade. And if you don’t, then this is where it applies to you. This is where we say I can’t tell myself a story of being wrong for taking exits, when I don’t even want to be on the same path day in and day out, year in and year out until I die. Right. So let’s get a little bit more I don’t love the word realistic. But in this case, I really do mean that word is this is where a little realistic thinking helps to say, let me not lie to myself about what the mechanism of this thing is, right? I know, I’m not choosing that, therefore, I’m gonna get excited where I can about the exit signs, I’m gonna get curious where I can. And I’m gonna just resource where I need to, right like, when it’s good, it’s good when we can make it work is cool. But when you just got a resource up and do the thing, and it might be a bit of a struggle, or there’s some obstacles. Cool. But then those are the times where you You Buck up, you get out your courage, you make some decisions, and you show yourself that you really mean that you want the results that you want. Right? So those are often really powerful decision making times not necessarily about that decision, although that can be true, but it’s a decision about you. Am I going to make the decision that backs up who I say that I am? Or am I gonna was out. And when we made that choice, to be the person be committed to the result, even with the failures, even with the obstacles, even with this stuff, your brain and your heart and your spirit and your body they know it and you feel the confidence in your in all for your bodies. You feel that you have made those decisions, you know that you took that exit sign you know that you had a hard time with it and you did it anyways, you saw it through and you were able to see the feedback of the results was your most of the time I was just can speak from personal experience. Lovely. I don’t like the they’re better than because I don’t know, I didn’t take that exit. So I can’t speak to that better or worse than but what I can say is I really liked where I ended up because I chose all of it along the way I engaged with what I wanted to engage in. I did what I wanted to do, I didn’t do what didn’t feel good, right. And so in standing in the space of having created it. I know it is a different is a different feeling all throughout the four bodies to be like yep, this is exactly what it looked like for me to put the destination in and get myself there. And so if nothing else, let that be the draw. Come find out how awesome it feels to live that way. But you don’t have to take my word for it right? You can just explore it and see what if I saw exit signs. What if I saw my annoyance with this and said what if I got to what if this was the end of this part of the leg of the journey? And maybe not but then you’ll have asked the question to know that right and you don’t have to keep asking do I get off do I get If get out, no, you just stay on and you do it. And then when you get the next impulse, then you’ll know. So I would love to hear from you all, if you take this out for a spin, and what happens and all that good stuff, because it is such a powerful realization, a powerful metaphor that I definitely try to keep on the top of my mind. And of course, for me, I have cues in my environment. I love me some sticky notes, some notes, app reminders, some reminder, app, things, does a phone, wallpaper, background, all of those things help me stay on track on who I am, who I want to be and making sure that my life looks like I’m leading myself, and that I can see it and my brain knows it’s true. And I can really trust in the safety net of that reality. So I can’t wait to hear your stories. I love you all so much. And I’m sending you lots of great energy for the week ahead. Alright, see you soon. Thanks.