In this episode, Dr. Alex dives into the importance of embracing a holistic approach to goal setting and decision-making. She explores the concept of ecological thinking, emphasizing how the interconnectedness of various aspects of our lives plays a crucial role in achieving long-term success. By prioritizing both values and needs, Dr. Alex discusses how we can work with ourselves rather than against ourselves, creating sustainable and meaningful progress in our personal and professional lives.
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Transcript:
Hello everybody. Welcome to the Becoming Zesty Podcast. So glad that you were here, and if you’re watching on YouTube, hello. Oh, today we’re gonna talk about changes that are ecological, and I’m gonna explain exactly what that is. That is some nerdy coaching speak that you will hear coaches say, kind of like holding space. But there’s a reason, and there’s a very, very good reason why thinking when it comes to change thinking in ecology will always, always, always lead to more success than leaving this part out. So while it can be like, oh gosh, you know, of course, I want to change this. This totally makes sense in this area. There’s going to be other questions that we can have as people, as coaches, as leaders, as people out in the world, helping move folks to action that then is going to resource them in a different way, like there’s basically more ways we can use our words to help make it easier for someone else to walk a path, especially if we are a leader, and we it is our job to do so basically right where the guidance, where the reminders were, kind of like the identity embodiment that says it is safe for you to be this too. You can see it in my actions, and now you know you can do it as well. So that’s why this stuff matters so much. This is a an important topic, and of course, there’s more to the story than what we can cover in a podcast episode this topic and others that are very similarly impactful are in our NLP essentials. Course, it is very inexpensive, so for what you get in terms of the value of the content that is usable and you can apply right away, it’s a really, really high value, and it’s only a couple 100 bucks. So check that out in the show notes, because we have that made for for leaders to self pace themselves through the content. So if you are launching soon, if you are trying to fill an event, if you are launching a book, a new business venture, whatever it is that you’re doing that those things and NLP, essentials will help get you moving and ensure success in the way that you want it to happen, right? There’s nothing in the course that tells you what you have to do like you are, not as a leader then locked into listening to somebody else. What it is going to do is talk about these aspects that we teach on and certify on, and leaders need to have in their awareness to ensure that as they’re moving themselves and the people they serve through the transition, through a process, through a change on the planet now that can happen smoothly, and you can move yourself and them intentionally. Right? That ripple effect is intended to be done with consciousness with a high degree of intentionality, and part of the great benefit of that is actually get feeling that soul fulfillment from doing the work that you came here to do. So it’s no small undertaking, right? And it has great benefits to us, both personally and professionally, spiritually, all that, but it comes down to understanding what’s really at play and becoming well versed in it. So check that out in the show notes and and you’ll be able to resource yourself there. We also have our upcoming two day habit event, and that’s going to be so much fun. It’s in Dallas, August 20 and 21st it is two JAM PACKED days of content that will get you moving in life, the transformations that you want, the money that you want, the relationships, the love, the connection, the joy, the fun, the ease, the flow all that stuff is on the other side of identity work and grounding it into what you do or don’t do every single day, right to wake up and feel in control of what your day looks like, and then to go to bed feeling good about what you accomplish that day, that is what It looks like and sounds like to live empowered and to really live a life of authenticity. So it’s two full days. So we’re going to link that up, and the show notes is going to be very transformational, really impactful. So if you are anywhere in the area, you will not want to miss out. Check out the show notes and make sure you sign up before August 20 and 21st and come on by. Is going to be so much fun. So yeah, let’s get back to ecological. When it comes to ecology, what does that even mean? Because, again, it’s one of these, like coaching lingo, things that you kind of have to know the definition of before you get to see the impact of it, the ecology gets to when I make a change in one area of life, how does that hold up and begin to impact and ripple through all the other aspects of who I am? There’s so often when we set goals, we do it in a vacuum of one context of life, like when you’re setting business goals for the year, then you’re like, This is the business stuff that I want to work on, right? And that makes logical sense. And so people here set big and audacious goals, and they are like, check, I am willing to do that, and they write it, and they will write something like, I’m going to make a million dollars this year from coaching many, many business owners over the years, what we’ve often seen is that that is a pattern. Whether it’s a million dollars or I’m going to write a whole book, or I’m going to start this whole new thing, or I’m going to rework my whole business. And really, in all areas of life, people do this. I’m going to, you know, get married, meet somebody, get married and have a baby this year. You know, the people generally will go HAM at the thing that they really care about, and they’re like, I’ll just go into this one area. I’ll just focus on business. The problem with that is that the ecology part comes in, is that you and your identity and business, or in love and romance and relationships, is still not in a vacuum alone. You are still also the you that goes to work or goes to church or your other activities, the one that has the hobbies, the one that has to get their oil changed, the one that has to sit and go through their tax documents. There, there are other aspects of your life, and where it really comes through and becomes apparent is when we have a discussion of values versus needs. Right? In all of us, we have a set of values, and it is ordered. So when, for example, in level two, when we do our master level NLP certification, there’s also resources for helping people elicit their value structure, and then you can actually help someone reorganize in their brain and their neural networks that order, and then make that concrete, basically make it so that all those values are chosen, consciously organized in a way that makes sense to them, and then practiced over time so that it really someone can intentionally embody and live all the values that they say they want. Outside of that, a lot of times, we just have the values that we have, but they’re relatively ambiguous to us. We can have a handful of things we know are important, but we sort of cut we don’t actually have a clear understanding of what that order is. But when you look at someone’s actions, their actions always sort of show that order, right? If health and family are both high. Values you will generally see when it comes to cooking a meal. Let’s say that someone has an opportunity to cook a meal at home from scratch or spend time with their family, depending on what that choice is, then boom, you just saw those values ordered just from the observation of someone’s actions. So that’s how values are generally lived out and seen. What makes that a little more complicated is the discussion of needs. We all also have needs that we will meet before our values. So like you might have the value of honesty and not stealing, but if you are starving, you might steal a loaf of bread, right, like Aladdin style. So in that interplay, sometimes we’ll be like, Well, my need for comfort is superseded by my value of creating significance and a positive impact in the world.
And that is how things can become, not ecologic. Essentially, when we say, I’m going to make a million dollars this year, and that would entail you working 16 hour days, six days, let’s be let’s be positive six days a week. But 16 hour days, you get one day off. Still, is that enough time for you to meet your needs and values as it relates to family, as it relates to your spiritual or church life, or, you know, whatever you got in that category, religious life. How does it relate to your fitness, your health, your physical body, your need for rest, your need for fun, your joy, the connection. There’s there are other areas of your life that even if you wanted to be like I’ll put all of that on pause. The whole thing about things being not ecologic is the understanding that you will not, you will not stick to something that asks you to either not meet a need or meet a lower value. When you want to meet something that matters to you more, it just won’t happen. For example, people will be like, yes, I want the perfect body. And then their loved one says, Hey, let’s go get ice cream. That’s where having a really rigid looking plan to lose weight that does not appreciate the ecology of how you live your life. That’s going to become a really frustrating thing, right? It begins to then people are bothered by they’re like, dang, I had to make the choice. And it’s like, You’re damned if you do, and damned if you don’t, because if you don’t get the ice cream, you missed out on the connection and the fun, and you’re like, oh, now I’m salty about it, and all this stuff. And then the flip side is, if you go and do it, then you messed up your diet, right? And so that’s where, when we when we divorce change from ecology. That’s why it almost never leads to success overall, especially in the long term, you can well through that. You can force through it, and you can even gaslight all your emotions of like disconnect and unhappiness and lack of connection and and all those things for a minute. And those of us who went through trauma and abuse and things like that. Can do it for a long minute, but the bill comes due at some point, because those other aspects of us will come out. They always do, because they are there and they are validly there, and they have things to say. So the part of you that is like, I’m sick of this diet. I’m gonna go bend to this Oreo tray and eat the whole thing. That part is still you, and it still has valid needs and values and things that it is meeting, and therefore just closing your eyes off to that part. That’s that’s the argument of you’re always then left fighting you, as opposed to working with you. When we think in ecology, you work with yourself, then we say, maybe then I can’t hit a million dollars if I don’t, if I’m not willing to sacrifice all my family time. But where then am I willing to what will feel good to hit? What’s the reach without sacrificing that much. Now you’ve created these stair steps of success for yourself, and as you’re like, oh, wow, I actually did hit 300,000 and oh, wow, I actually then was able to take it to 500,000 and you’re you can see yourself making progress. Then people feel great about that. It’s usually the discrepancy of how far away you feel from your goal. But most people, they don’t mind making 250 and then 500 and then 750 and then a million. When they’re like, I’m gonna get to the million, but I will have made you start tallying all that up. You’ve made a couple million along the way, right? I. As you add the years, the total sum of what you have brought in is actually greater. So it’s like if you’re gonna if it leads to a more success, plus more money along the way, plus increased confidence and more empowerment and building an identity of success for yourself for the future. That person just won, right? The person with ecology, that’s how it leads to success. It’s not a magical thing. It’s not because they like did it right, and they get rewarded for it. It’s just that that function of it leads to success, and then you get to parlay that success into other success, and that makes all the difference in the world. So ecology matters. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. Shoot us an email if, if you have the ideas support at becoming zesty.com or you can shoot us a DM over on Instagram, or leave us a comment in YouTube, anywhere and everywhere. Is totally fine. We got you. I will catch you on the next episode.