Do You Need to Be Right?

Megan and Dr. Alex reflect on the importance of dropping the need to be right in coaching, using a hypothetical scenario to illustrate the concept. They also emphasize the importance of prioritizing values over limitations in personal growth and leadership.

Transcript: https://becomingzesty.com/season-20-episode-2

Connect with us:  

Follow us on IG: @becomingzesty

Find us on FB: https://www.facebook.com/BecomingZesty

Visit us at https://becomingzesty.com/ 

Sign up for the Connection Accelerator Masterclass: https://becomingzesty.com/connection-accelerator/

Transcript:

Hello there. Welcome back to the podcast, Megan and Alex here today. Hello, hello. Welcome to Big News. Coming to you from a closet in Dallas. We are in the middle of an amazing week long our level two NLP Quantum Time technique and all the amazing tools of transformation, a week where people not only get to learn new tools, but then they get to do an eight hour break through with each other. And so we’re getting to watch real time, some of the most amazing humans have such a huge impact on how they’re going to leave here and live their life, how they’re going to change beliefs and stepping into a new identity. So as they are doing that, we decided we would talk about a concept that keeps coming up in our world and in our personal life. The idea of do you need to be right? I know some of you immediately are thinking, heck yes, I need to be right. And that was a big one for me. So Matt, I’m imagining many of you have heard the phrase, you can either be right or you can be kind. Well, we are digging into this topic today. Because we see the need to be right at the cost of all other things actually stopping people from moving forward, it becomes more about their significance in the world versus maybe not even what they actually believe in, I found in the past that it was really important to be right. When it came to my health. I know many of you have heard or were around for when my bought a home that had mold in it, and went through a whole process to remediate and feel better. And in the process, because it had thrown me off so much. And because I didn’t feel like myself. And I knew I didn’t feel like myself. And mold is this invisible thing you can’t see. So some people would come into the home and be like, Nope, it’s not here. But some people in the family would be like, I feel fine. And because of that I really needed to be right about my problems. I really needed to be right that this thing was affecting my health. And while maybe it was affecting my health at one point from a physical standpoint, long, long, long after that, when I’d actually physically removed it from the body, supported it with detox. I then found that I still needed to be right that it was a problem. Because if it was no longer a problem, then it seemed like maybe I had made it up from the beginning. Or maybe I could have done this all along. So because of that, I would go and I would go to other places and I would just smell something just like a little whiff of something happening. I would send my it would send my body into a full kind of fight or flight response. I would I would feel like my head would feel it I would be breathing differently and If I knew, and I wanted to know, I said, Yes. See, this thing affects me. And I am showing it with symptoms like I, that’s how much I had to be right at that point now knowing that I’m the same human, who was already also detox, who doesn’t have those responses, that I was holding on to those responses, because it was important for people to believe me, I had significance actually around having had this thing affect me. So this is not a guilt and shame game, we’re gonna definitely harp on that in general, of pretending, telling your thing yourself not to have symptoms and things that you have. And sometimes we still are holding on to being right. And it’s stopping us from actually dropping a symptom, or it’s stopping us from getting through a problem we have in our business or from coaching. Because we’ve, we’ve been telling a certain story for so long, that now to shift and be like, and now I’m a person who doesn’t have those symptoms, or and now I’m a person who is able to do this other thing is feels like, what was I like? Was I lying before? Right? Because I think that’s becomes a question.

Dr. Alex Golden
Yeah, it really does. Because you think I did that with pain, too. I’ve shared that on the podcast of I got medically gaslit. And I really, really, really wanted to say like, I feel the pain, it is real. And letting it go definitely felt like I was conceding like they the people that had guys, let me were actually going to be the winners of this whole situation. And that I was less than, so I was fighting for that significance. The other thing that I did was that I felt like I couldn’t win it, like I be, you know, was on my way to well, on my way to being a doctor and I still had pain. And I had to switch from piano to medicine to become a pain doctor. And so, you know, while it was motivating, because I’m like, Well, I can do this. At the same time, the whole endeavor was fueled by the fact that it was very significant to me that I had pain, and I couldn’t overcome it. So I was like, well, better use it for good, then write better get it for something. And so the significance was coming from this insurmountable thing that I had made work for me. Right, it was like I could tell the story. And it was true. And it’s also true that I was getting significance from it, that it was like, Look how big this is. Let me show you like what I’ve done with this thing. And so instead of getting the actual thing that I wanted, I was really just more Okay, on the, if I can’t have it, then I’ll find significance here instead. And that, while it was helpful, ultimately it hurt like physically and mentally and emotionally, spiritually it my body was like, Hey, man, there’s more for you here. Right. But I wasn’t necessarily hearing it that way. Because my mind was very attached to the idea of this is so significant, this makes you so dang unique compared to everybody else.

Megan Blacksmith
Which is not fun. Because we create a whole story and a whole identity around that pain, and don’t even realize that there’s an option to not be in it. And this also can show up when we’re needing to be right, needing to be right with certain people. So maybe we said something in the past. And now we’re starting to change our mind a little bit, or this can happen in coaching, where you used to say a certain thing. And now you’re like, oh, maybe, maybe that’s not how it is because the way we work and what we believe, if you find a really good mentor, they are going to be able to admit that there’s a lot of shit, they don’t know. If they think they know everything, then you might be in trouble. Because more of the know, the more you know, you don’t know. And the more you’re able to say, oh, maybe that’s maybe that’s how I was then. And maybe that’s not how I’m going to be anymore. That is awesome and really hard to drop, though, when you have the belief that like mine, my beliefs were around needing to be smart to be loved, right getting good grades in school. And so that’s essentially in my mind that was admitting that I’m wrong. And if you can’t admit that you’re wrong, or that you’re changing that requires you to hold on to that old identity so strongly, because if one time I said lemon water was good for you, and then another Your time now I want to take that back. Now you’re having to admit that you were wrong before. And I did see a post recently, it was basically saying, if you did not cringe at your work from five years ago, you are not evolving fast enough. And I was like, That’s right. Because some of the stuff that I fully believed then was so perfect for me and my identity, then. And now, there’s just been such a big shift to a different place, like the beliefs I have have shifted, the reality has shifted, and it’s opened up so many more options, there’s just no longer is this right or wrong? That we were taught Dr. Alex and I were taught like through medicine through functional medicine, there was still an answer a right or a wrong even if it was, but the root cause, right, there was still this, this thing that you would get to, and we now know, there is no one thing you ever get to and you can get to lots of things and lots of different waves, and still get to where you’re trying to go. But that’s hard to say, I was wrong back then. Or something is different. Now, if you really have to hold on to being right. And it’s something to look at and relationships to. And it’s something to look at, especially if you’re a coach, I had a cool experience with this, just recently of watching someone do a coaching process where in my mind, I’m thinking, Hmm, this isn’t how I would do it, and thinking Hmm, this might be a problem. And attempting to step in a little bit and got a little pushback from a client. And I said, Okay, you know, what, I’m gonna go with intuition and go with this person knows what’s best for them. And later, when I followed up, this person was able to say, You know what, this was exactly what I needed. It looked like the opposite of what any coach would do in any place. But she was really wanting to rewire that it was safe to go into a place that didn’t look on the outside that didn’t look like maybe it was healthy. And so from this learning, I got to realize, like, Oh, if I had just doubled down and been like, I am the coach, and this is how it works. And that’s not what your body should be doing, then she wouldn’t have had the amazing lesson that she did have that she could trust her intuition of where to go. And that her body knew exactly how to get trauma out of the body. It knew exactly what to pull out. But it knew it knew that it was safe to go back to a place and experience something in a way with people who are there to help you. And I had a huge learning from it. And I know that me from five years ago, would have felt like, I need to be the coach and I need to follow the rules. And this is the way and this is the order. And this is the script. And so dropping being right has allowed me to grow and evolve as a coach so much faster. And then the people we work with get that benefit as well. Absolutely.

Dr. Alex Golden
And we like telling we like hypotheticals as well, because sometimes when we are in our own life and our own world, there’s just so many aspects of reality that are subjective, you know, and so with this whole discussion of what is correct and what’s right in my life, sometimes we can have a curiosity around it. And sometimes we like want a death grip and not let go. And it’s a little hard to see that from the outside. And so when we kind of work in more stories, then we can often get a little bit of space between our own world and just imagine a different scenario. And one of the things that we talk about, especially with within our certification things is is a story of what if Megan and I were got lost in the desert, like we’re on vacation, things go terribly wrong, Billy Billy, and they and we are lost in the desert. And we have I have one water bottle. And I’m looking at this water bottle and I’m like, Oh my gosh, it’s it’s kind of dusty. There’s like little bits of sand and dirt and cactus loans sprinkled throughout. Like maybe it’s not quite as clear as it once was. Maybe the cap is messed up maybe the the label has been torn a little bit and jagged around the edges. And I’m looking at Megan on like, my water is not good enough for Megan, right? Like I’m not I’m not going to give water to Megan. Now imagine you listening to the story and I’m telling you this story. Back when we’re home we’re in the states where cozy Megan has gotten, you know, resuscitate her IVs and fluids and you know she’s out of the hospital. I’m telling you that story of my unworthy water bottle and how significantly bad my water bottle is. I’m meaning like, can you believe that thing was like toward the label was torn? Like, there’s like chunks flying in there, whatever. And you’re like, Okay, Alex, but did you miss the part of the story where your friend needed help, and you didn’t give it to her? Right? It’s this. That’s exactly what most people would be saying, because they know, yeah, I hear you that you have some concerns about it. But if it’s, if you’re drinking it, why wouldn’t someone that you love and care about not benefit from that, right? It’s it that exactly is what it looks like when we’re like, let me look at my significant limitation and make that the hallmark of my beingness make that the purpose of it, of my life and of my actions. And it becomes the reason that I can’t help the world, that becomes the reason I can’t start anything in life and get a ripple effect and build generational beliefs that are more loving and healing and kind and flowing and flexible, and all of the stuff that we all listening to this kind of stuff, work on and desire. But when we sit back and say, let me fight for that limitation and gain significance there, as opposed to saying, Well, what if my limitation is there, but the world needs me more than I’m going to double down on it. That’s really the time when real leadership and real exploration and transformation and helping the world can start because we place our values appropriately, then we’re saying yes, significance is important. And I want to do the things I want to be the person I want to be the identity of the person who goes to bed at night, knowing I’m working on doing those things, maybe I haven’t gotten to the full expression yet. But I feel proud today of what that looked like. Maybe it was just being a little kinder in your head, about your limitations, that can be an extremely powerful thing to go to bed at night, being proud of right, just a couple more touch points where you’re like, I parented myself the way that I would have wanted as a kid, I was kind of maybe I was firm, maybe I set boundaries, and actually kept them with myself, right? I’m not going to beat myself up. Or maybe it was an emotional thing. Maybe you’re like, I’m actually just gonna let myself cry and feel, and really hear what my heart is telling me. And you can feel really proud about that. But essentially, that significance when you every day say, How can I help find significance from service and love and expansion. It’s amazing how those problems and the limitations actually work themselves out. The mold, the pain, the low self worth, and not knowing your purpose, that feeling confused, needing to ask people a million questions, feeling like you’re second guessing yourself. All of that literally goes away over time. It’s not overnight. We all want that. But it goes away fully, it fully gets resolved. Because you actually create evidence daily for yourself that yes, I gain significance. Because I give a crap about the world, I gain significance because I’m the person that actually is going to help that I am the person that actually will make a change and my family or my school or my kids school, or whatever you got going on. And that feeling of significance is so much greater we Yes, we’re talking about significance either way. But one is like vacuuming without the vacuum plugged in. And the other one’s the real version, where you plug it in first and then you go. And we we love the flipping over of that because it’s such a minor change, right? It’s like it’s not that this is a decision and no one necessarily even need to watch you do it. Or there’s no one that can say you’re wrong for it. Like it’s just an internal thing that you get to make but to say, yeah, maybe I haven’t been significant in this way. But I could be and what does that look like? Oh, it’s kinda, it’s kind of over for those limitations after that, which is really fun.

Megan Blacksmith
So who here is holding out their water bottle? They’re amazing. gifts they have to share with the world. They have a tool, they have a skill, you have a tool, you have a skill and you’re holding out because there’s a little bit of dirt in your water. And all those thirsty people are not getting hydrated. So if that is you, we encourage you to find the resources and the tools to one, reframe the fact that your water can help tons of people. And if it helps you, it’ll help them. You just have to be a few steps ahead of them really. And also, if you’re questioning the fact, Are you worthy to share your gifts? Do you have enough tools and skills if you’re actually questioning that we have lots of resources for you. We have some free trainings coming up that we’d love for you to mark on your calendar that are coming soon at the end of February. And we have our seven day NLP Quantum Time technique Hypnosis Training our level one training comes twice a year. So the next one will be April 27. For anybody who’s ready to have the tools to drop any limiting belief that is stopping you from doing the next thing, whatever that is in your life in your transformation journey. Stepping in a little bit more. We would love to have you join us, you can always just email us at support at becomings st.com. For information and always, we’re always on the Grahams have come on over to Instagram to.

Dr. Alex Golden
So we’ll leave you on this podcast episode with the question of even with your limitations, even with things that you are still working on things you want to change. How can you start to take the pressure off you being a certain way? And saying what does the world need? How can I put my focus on where I’m going? Instead of all the things of where I’ve been and how that felt? And all you know all that other stuff attached to it? How do I focus on what I’m doing? How do I focus on where I’m going? And how do I help myself put one foot in front of the other.

Megan Blacksmith
Thank you for being here, and we’ll see you next time.

Dr. Alex Golden
Bye.