Dr. Alex Golden highlights the importance of courage in leadership, balancing authenticity without overextending. She discusses the shift toward energy-based connections and the need for leaders to recognize personal growth. Dr. Alex emphasizes taking incremental steps and staying self-aware to avoid overwhelm, encouraging leaders to use their experiences to guide others. The conversation underscores the value of authentic leadership and personal transformation in fostering a more compassionate world.
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Transcript:
Dr. Alex Golden:
Hello. Hello, everybody. Dr Alex, here with you today. We’re going to talk about courage and the cost of overshooting. Now this is more of a ceiling and floor kind of discussion, if you will, because what I mean by them is that overwhelmingly, we are in a season of the world of leadership, of being a good role model for a better world, is that we need courage. But there’s this process happening in some of us, or a lot of us, and it’s easy to get into on sort of the overshooting side. So I wanted to talk about both of those extremes, and really what I think it looks like to walk the path the day to day, because really, we are absolutely in that season, right? We are in a season of action, of stepping up, and it’s a season in the world that is hallmarked by authenticity, and we’ve been talking about that a whole bunch here on the podcast. But when it comes to what people are paying attention to, it’s worth saying again, we are changing as a society from focusing on externals of what makes us similar to one another, what makes us relate to one another, and we are starting to relate to and connect on the vibe, kind of the energy behind a person, and that might mean that they look very similar or very different from one another. They might have completely different backgrounds. They might have had completely different experiences, but the vibe is relating to each other, and they feel like home to one another. So that’s the change. And so we are kind of breaking up societal constructs, constructs and tribes, I suppose, if you will, as in, like, I’ve always done holidays with my family. And then now someone might say, well, I don’t do holidays with my family. I get together with these friends because, you know, they’re more like me, like, maybe I just have my, like, conscious friends and friends giving, and I don’t go home for Thanksgiving or whatever, right? That’s, that’s kind of the, general direction where we are going. And that’s not to say anything against families or whatever. It’s just that if you don’t happen to vibe with the people around you, people are choosing to go find their people. That is really, really cool. But an aspect of being a leader in this environment is that oftentimes we are then challenged with invitation to recognize that we’re a leader. That is to say, almost all of us who fall into this category have had things and continue to have things happen in our life that alerts us to the fact that we are learning something, and then we’re teaching it so that somebody can come behind us and benefit. And so authenticity is coming up for absolutely all of us. And of late, there has been the this extra fun, I say that tongue in cheek, but it’s been kind of intense on many of us are finding the. Invitation to really dig through ourselves, our lives, who we are, and we’re coming up with anything that is most lagging behind. That is to say, like any aspect of us that is still the most out of alignment. Now for many of us in this category, we’ve worked on all that stuff so it our ego and our mind, our brains will often want to say things like, Oh, I’ve already worked on that. That’s not really a problem. But if that in reality is kind of where you’re the the least conscious and least evolved on that’s still yours kind of lowest category, right? And so while our brains and mine too, it did all weekend, it was like, but I have addressed this. I already looked at this. I don’t want to look at it some more. This is like, like, you know, everything else is like, you know, going so good, but this area, like, oh, yeah, I know there’s still things to shore up, but I don’t really want to, like, get into all that and and look at it again and, Oh, that feels hard. That’s exactly the kind of stuff that’s really coming up for people, is the things that we have not wanted to look at. But really that’s like that every time, right? And it’s kind of like being the bearer of bad news as a leader. The whole thing is that if it was something if the reason that someone didn’t have what they want, if that reason was something that they wanted to look at and wanted to do stuff around and had a good plan and understanding and resourcing around that they probably wouldn’t need you to go be the leader or to be the bearer of bad news or to deliver an uncomfortable message. That’s all of us, right? And so with energy, that’s us too. The thing you want to look at the least, the thing that you have the most resistance around most likely is going to be the thing that really is the holdout, right? And so that’s why, you know, we’re finally caught up to that’s my the basis of my whole argument on why courage is so very important right now is because, yeah, there’s a call for authenticity. Yeah, there’s a big push. Yeah, we’re all getting invited. There’s a lot going on, like, as in, things are getting stirred up. And to be honest, most of the time for leaders, that makes things easier, because when there’s action in life, at least you’re getting feedback, right? So if there’s a lot going on and a lot shifting and a lot changing, great, there’s a lot to choose from and pick from and shore up and all that, but that, that’s the whole trick, is that you when, when dealing with that, it’s really easy to get mired down into the weeds. And this is where it’s not that we don’t know what to do. It’s often that we need the courage to go do the stuff that doesn’t seem to make sense. For example, if you’re like, okay, the thing I have resistance around is getting a job, but my business, the thing that I want to do that helps people, and the thing that I feel the most called for is what I really want to do, but it’s not making me money like that. That’s a common thing going on right now, and this is where any action is really on the table. For example, if, if your bills and your life say that a job is necessary, that might be necessary, but the question is, how will you make those decisions where you still use the most amount of courage available to you right now to ensure that you approach the situation in the way that gets you the closest to the end in mind, as in, you might want to get a job, but you’re not going to get the kind of job you had before, and maybe that was the more high paying job. Maybe you’re going to get something with more flexible hours, more flexible needs, more of a kind of as needed support kind of thing, so that you both have an income and you have time for your business. See how. Now I’m totally making up that experience, right, and that story, but I’m wanting to give some concrete examples of what that can look like, right? No one is saying that courage involves doing things that are blatantly leaving you in dire circumstances, right? So that’s not, but if, if you are like but I think I have enough courage. So this might look dire right now, but I think I can do it, and this is what I’m willing to do in XYZ. I feel good about my fallback plan. And. Right? Then that’s what whatever courage you have, use 100% of it. But at the same time, I think that’s where let’s talk about the danger of overshooting. Because sometimes I think what is happening is that people really have great intentions. And I fall into this category too. Of I really my brain, just like anybody else’s, just wants to get there, wherever that is at any given time. No mine also moves goalposts like yours does. That’s just kind of what the brain comes up with that now is standing right the we are needing to have courage when we overshoot and we put ourselves in a position where you are essentially making it so difficult for yourself that you are literally living in a state of panic. That’s what I’m talking about. On the cost of overshooting is that so often we’ll do that for a time period, but because it’s so out on a limb, it is so under resourced, it’s so scary, and it’s so scary to be out there on that limb that most people will cut and run to Comfort at some point, and then the out on a limb back to comfort. Out on a Limb back to comfort. On a limb, back to comfort is what it actually ends up looking like like when a leader is really serious about moving forward, but they get stuck in this loop, like the people who aren’t serious will do it maybe max a couple times, and then retreat back to their comfort zone. And they will stay there. They might still run a business and do whatever, but they’re gonna run it, and they’re gonna be like, No, I actually just need XYZ to happen. I’m not overcoming any of that. This is just what it needs to and it’s fine. And that’s a that’s a point, but probably not for you know, you’re probably not listening to the podcast then. But for those of us who are are in that where we will get stuck is that loop where it’s like we overshoot, and then we have to go back and retreat to make ourselves feel better. I mean, at some point you’re gonna meet your own needs, right? And so when you are done barely hanging on, on a thread, on that limb that you’re hanging off the cliff with. Then you will retreat and rest in safety. And then eventually you will start and I mean, maybe not, but what I’ve seen over and over again is that people start getting annoyed with themselves, and then they start making it their personality flaw and something wrong with them. And then that’s the thing that will ultimately, at the end, make them cut and run to safety and potentially stay there, right? All things that we don’t want, like, if you have something to contribute to this world, I want it out in the world, because I know that there’s a reason that you have, and it’s gonna make the world a better place. Like I already bought into that. I don’t even know what it is, but that’s just how I think. And so I am sure you have something that is going to help, and it needs to be out there. So that’s why we have to, yes, have courage, but you also part of having courage is having the courage to really say where you’re at to really say, You know what? That is too far on a limb for me. I need to step it out in a more incremental way. The beauty of this thing is that it’s not slowing you down. Is that often the way the whole mechanism works is that we work with people who like who are like us. So if you get stuck on something like a step that feels too far, and you run the risk of overshooting and then sort of scaring yourself off the whole project, then you probably will come across people who have that exact same question that you do. They run into that and that stops them in their life, you know, routinely. So as opposed to being like, Oh no, I’m somehow messing up, but I don’t have enough courage to go here. That’s not what I actually believe is happening. I think because of the drive for authenticity, we are having to discover what really works for us now, because the old stuff does not apply, right? And if the old stuff is not apply, then the new leaders on the playground, on the playing field need to have a mechanism to refine what they’re teaching and what they’re doing. And I do believe that this is exactly the mechanism by which we are getting trained to do that. So it’s not a problem. It’s not a lack of courage when you bump up against that. I highly encourage you to not tell yourself the story that it’s because you know you don’t have enough courage. You’re not brave enough. I would instead, as. Is the question of, okay, I need. What this tells me is I need intermediary steps. I may not know exactly what all the steps are, but what do I think right now? Where can I get started? And for me, I find it so helpful to keep reminding myself who I really am. I am here to be a leader, and that involves figuring things out when I don’t know. A lot of people don’t know. So when I do this work, when I messed up, I am literally learning all the things that I need to tell the stories, because when I mess things up, I have funny stories to tell, or at least they’re entertaining. They might be funny later, but they’re still funny. I’m also finding potholes, like, where are people gonna fall off in the process? Right? And be able to speak to it like I can hear on the podcast, and talk about the worries that come up and all that, the reason I can do this because I’m really living it. So I feel them, I hear them in my head, all that and and it’s really giving me kind of the step. By the time I’m done with that, I have a step by step process. And people always ask Megan and I how do we come up with so many resources and tools to help people? This is how we do it. I promise you, I do not sit around and think of what I can create, what I can record, what I need to talk about on this real or whatever video. If I am that I’m probably just like tired and not thinking clearly, because when I really actually whatever happened last week is probably the best thing for what’s current and what needs to be addressed. So when someone doesn’t know what to talk about, what, for the most part, it’s that they’re not in the arena. When our hands aren’t fully immersed in the clay, we have a lot of questions about, you know, what we need to do, what needs to happen, what we talk about, all that, all those things go away when you are like, how do I live as the person that I’m going to help right now so that I answer all the questions that they will ever need to hear from me, right? And that is where, I think a lot of the thing, the coping mechanisms that come out in response to life, like being like, Oh, I’m in victim mode. This, this thing’s happening. This sucks so bad. I don’t have enough courage. Blah, blah, blah, none of that actually even comes up because you’re already asking a better question, not what’s wrong with me, but how is this helping me guide the people that I say I want to help, and then none of the other stuff, like the victimhood or the pity party or the woe is me or the being mad at people or at God, or whatever is really necessary, Because we understand then and are keeping top of mind why this is really going on, and what are we benefiting with this through, right? Because when we keep an eye on that, we essentially ensure that we are staying our own leadership when we lose sight of that. What you’ll often find happens within yourself first is that the question and that there’s a need and a reach for authority figures. It’d be like, I wonder what so and so thinks about this, or, Oh, I should go as so and so. Or I wonder what you know this podcast has to say about that. Let me go find some info. So you know, having walked this for a while, look out for those things. And when you find yourself reaching for authority figures ask, How am I the authority figure here? How am I going to figure this out, so that I have a way to lead people you never really know when your authority is going to be needed in life. So that’s why I don’t wait. I’m not thinking, Oh, when I do XYZ program, I’ll think about that, not really. If it’s coming up in my life, I’m going to think about it now, more than likely, if I follow that thread, not only am I going to help people and my life’s gonna get better as a result of that, if I then translate into a product, then literally money comes into our accounts. So that’s the win, win, win. See how that’s not different. I don’t have to sit around and think, how am I gonna be better? How am I gonna write this post? How am I going to make money? Life is answering all of those questions all at once for me, every day, all day long. So do I have moments of temporary confusion of or a lack of clarity, or I get in my feels and get distracted, or get into a thought and get distracted? Sure. Sure, absolutely, just like everybody else, but by and large, I because I see it all as a unit, I really rarely have a lot of problems. I may have one problem that’s playing out in a couple areas, but that’s as bad as it’s gonna get. So it makes it offload so much pressure, because how I feel is heavily, heavily created by my thoughts and what I what I’m telling myself about life. If you’re like, why do you know Alex seems calm and, you know, chill and she doesn’t seem super stressed out all the time. This is really what it looks like. I don’t think if I’m really overwhelmed and stressed out, I start to say, How can I look at life differently? Because it doesn’t need to be that difficult. That part is truly a choice. And once we start asking these better questions that you know, that don’t kind of ignore any aspect of us, it all starts working so much more smoothly, not in a way I used to think that meant, like, no problems. It just means smoothly, as in, everything turns into like, something negative always turns into something positive. Something positive turns into something neutral, that then turns into something new, positive that I didn’t even think of like. That’s what it actually looks like to live this kind of life. And you don’t have to take my word for it. You can just begin to talk to yourself this way, ask these kind of questions, and you will literally live it yourself and discover it for yourself. So don’t take my word for it. Go out and go have those conversations with you do this stuff, have the courage and then have the courage to say, I don’t have that level of courage right now, I’m going to not overstep. I’m going to really honor what’s happening here, and I’m going to see how that informs how I can help the world more. So thanks so much for joining us. Check out the show notes for invites to our upcoming events and things like that. Make sure to go follow us on Instagram so that you can keep up to date with what’s happening, and we’ll catch you on the next episode. See you later.