The Self Sabotage Boogeyman

Dr. Alex Golden shares personal experience with self-sabotage in health and business, highlighting the misunderstandings that exacerbate the issue. She emphasizes the importance of recognizing and overcoming self-sabotage to achieve personal growth and success.

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Transcript:

Hello, Hello, Alex here with you. Welcome to the Becoming Zesty podcast. We are so glad that you are here. Today we’re gonna talk about some self sabotage. And that is in part a lead up to our self sabotaging masterclass why working on it is a trap, and it’s actually making it worse. So to get signed up, this is a free class, we are going to be talking to you about self sabotage, why it tends to be a trap for people and what you can do about it instead. And you can check that out in the show notes. It’s becoming zesty.com/sabotage. The word no, no, nothing special about it. Alright, so self sabotage can be a really scary concept. And that is what I wanted to share with you today is that, really my own experience with it. And the reason we want to talk about it is because we’ve both had and seen other people have now over, you know, over a decade working with humans, just how much people are impacted by self sabotage, and just how crummy of an experience it can be. And we believe the misunderstandings that happen and surround the topic of self sabotage, do honestly make it so much worse. And people get into an even more disempowered state by trying to do something to help themselves. And on that we do hate that, right? We’re all for doing the work. We’re all for self development, we do believe and not getting out of the uncomfortable stuff of growth and evolution. And at the same time, there never is an appropriate time to use something to make your life worse, instead of making it better, especially when you’re intending to make it better. So this whole self sabotage thing has really got to be unpacked in our opinion. So my experience with self sabotage started out it was in health and business is how it first came up. But I feel like maybe 15 years ago plus, it just became a really notable thing that people were discussing and it began to be talked about in a variety of contexts in life and to be honest, I had a lot of fear around it. The idea that there were aspects of me like parts of my system, my brain my body myself, that were really sounded like they were out to get me like something that I didn’t know was within me could come out at any time. And make me I’m doing air quotes here, be add a character or add a line with what I say my goals really are. And that concept was terrifying as I’m I feel like it should be I mean, like that is the it’s like the Boogeyman. I mean, if they can come out of the shadows at any time, like that sounds self sabotaging part of us. And it’s like just the scary thing that is unpredictable and unknown, and we don’t know what to do with it once it happens because so often it was so talked about at least the way I heard it from this lens of like, you’re going along trying to do something good. And here you are, then realizing you’ve been doing something else. And then it’s already too late. And the self sabotage is really kind of like in the rear rearview mirror. And you can’t do much about it, like, oh, I self sabotage that relationship, oh, my self sabotage that business opportunity. Oh, I saw sabotage me going back to school, or whatever it is. And that’s how it was. And it was like, well, if if he only realized that at the end of year already messed it up. That to me was just so full of fear it because I, what am I supposed to do with that? That’s really what my reaction was, I was like, I have nothing to take action on in this. And so it really sucks to consider that that may be part of it. So I will say the first couple of years were really more on that front of I’d hear about the concept. And it would bring up this instantaneous reaction of like, oh, my gosh, I need to get that thing away from me. And I really, really hope that whatever is in me, that I don’t know about just I hope it stays put under that rug. And I hope I don’t have to look at it. And I, you know, hope to not have that experience. And over time, I began to be like, Wait a second. You know, I do find myself feeling like I’m self sabotaging. So what is the deal here? Like I began to see enough validity in it, that I began to look at it through that lens. And really, when I started looking at it a couple years later, then of okay, what is this thing is that once I started doing the digging, and it was more just like talk therapy and journaling, and I was using things like that was that I began to increase my awareness of the problem, have to say, Hmm, there are parts of me that disagree with myself online there. So much of me believes in my success and helping the world and making an impact and doing big things. And then there were the corollary parts that were like the ones that didn’t think so. And the ones that were like, maybe it’s better if we don’t put ourselves out there like that, like, it’s not very safe. And, and that’s where I began to see, like, having looked at it, that wareness was, oh, my gosh, there are multiple contradictory aspects of me. And that is where the issues arise. But back then, what my brain ran with in is that, even though I began to have more of an awareness that I happen, I still didn’t know what to do about it, or if anything could be done about it. And what I began to see was that a lot of times those doubts, those fears, those kind of the contradictory aspects, and the thoughts that I was hearing in my own head, I was like, I didn’t even necessarily intend to pick that up from the world. It was just, these are the beliefs and the doubts and the insecurities that I picked up from living life, and especially anything I learned when I was young. And with that combination of awareness, but then also the awareness of, I didn’t necessarily intentionally choose all of these things that I’m noticing. What happened was that instead of fear, I moved clear on over to just being straight pissed. Like, I was just angry. I was like, I didn’t, I didn’t program I have these doubts in my head. Like, I feel like I heard this before I even consciously chose what I think about myself. I all these, like things that I picked up from their environment. And now it’s within me, and I don’t know what to do about it. And that’s where I really was angry about it. It was like, I wish I hadn’t even started to look at it kind of, because now not only was it something I couldn’t try to avoid or ignore, or pretend like it didn’t exist, but I had already acknowledged it. So the cat was out of the bag. It was too late to stuff the cat back in. But I couldn’t resolve it. It was just like, Oh, I see. So half the time I’m saying, Oh, I care about making this thing because I value my family and what I you know, the legacy I want to leave, and then the other part of me would have all these crappy doubts and fears, and then that part would win and I do nothing. And I’m like, I’m saying I’m this kind of person. But obviously, if I don’t put my money where my mouth is, I’m not that kind of person. And really, I took that self awareness down and down and down into feeling worse and worse about myself. Instead of actually using it for any sort of service to my own life, and so that really was a huge problem, until I then got to the part of my medical training and med school and residency and all of that, where I really began to have a more of a mastery on how the brain works, right, and how the central nervous system is set up, how it operates, how it wires, it, cells, how it reinforces what its main goals are, and all the stuff we talked about here on becoming zesty, and the podcast. And when I started to realize was that all of those experiences I had in childhood and the experiences I was having as an adult, where I could hear myself talk and argue with myself and and feel like I could be have the experience and be the one beating myself up and being the punching bag and being mad that I’m beating myself up like to be all those moving pieces. They actually were just represented in the brain very literally, like when people speak when and when we all share when we all share our inner dialogue and the sensations and the feelings that we have, we essentially just say our brain wiring to people. And so in that I began to see, oh my gosh, this is just the exact same self sabotage is just instructions that were pre wired into part of the central nervous system. So are all the other things and I had the aha, finally, of, oh my gosh, there is no such thing as self sabotage. There’s just neurons that have wired together as they’ve learned to habitually think of those concepts. And so there can be just two different settings that have been programmed, and oh my gosh, what do you know that can be changed. And, and after that I was I remember being like, Oh, my God, this boogeyman that I’ve been so terrified of, and then so ramped up and pissed that was just like the shadow of the dresser. That’s all it was, it was like, I realized that I had built up just the concept itself had created a whole new problem for me, as opposed to being a solution. So that is an interesting thing. And so that’s why we are we don’t talk about creating a masterclass for resolving self sabotage, right. It’s like, it’s that self sabotage, in and of itself, buying into that thinking is a trap. And working within that trap, you’ll then create and resolve your own problems, create your own brands, resolve your own problems, create your own problems, resolve your own problems, we don’t need to spend time doing that, because then we’re oftentimes losing time on getting the results that we want in life. So of course, most people don’t want to waste time, or waste their own time or their own energy. And so here, you know, when this fear of self sabotage and our belief in the concept of self sabotage gets real high, it’s time to get new information. And especially, it’s time to take that information and match appropriate resources for yourself, the tools that you need to move through it, to support yourself, to process the emotions you have around the things that you think and feel and have experienced, to allow yourself to both be the have the experience that you have, and parent yourself in a loving, kind way. All of these things really have more to do with creating solutions, and support structures that allow ourselves to move through life in a way that feels really good to us. That really is actually more of the rum. So if you have been looped into the self sabotage, like working on it, Trump, or even anything like the low confidence, let me work on my confidence, then I’ll go help people. Oh, my gosh, that’s also a chat. Please come to the masterclass, we will help you out. We’ll explain exactly how that works. We’ll show you how it’s set up in the brain literally. And I that was the main takeaway, but we’ll show you exactly how that happens from like, the medical side of neurons and how they work and chemical messengers and all that. And of course, you know, we’ll do some neuro net nerdiness. Of course, that wouldn’t be zesty without some nerdiness. But then we move to really at the end of the day, it’s about application, what are you going to do about that for working with you and you to accomplish your goal? We don’t need to spend years working on ourselves just to work on ourselves, right? We can work on ourselves, as we become the people we’re going to we’re most proud of day in and day out as we move quickly, powerfully in a fun way towards the life of our dreams. All right. It’s not a sequential endeavor. If we keep it sequential, we won’t get there. Instead, it’s time to come work with you and you and make sure that we’re working on the correct things, the right things, the things that will move the needle for us, and create a big ripple effect have positive impact out in the world. And of course, we all need that we all want that we all desire that. Let’s go be the leaders that the world needs instead of waiting for somebody else to do it. That’s it for today’s podcast, check out the show notes and get signed up for the masterclass and we will see you there.