Self-Acceptance vs Loss of Self-Importance

Dr. Alex Golden reflects on her journey of acknowledging areas for personal growth and change in leadership, despite desiring an easy path. She emphasizes the importance of self-acceptance and self-compassion in personal growth.

Join our 2-Day In-Person Transformation Experience & Workshop on January 19-20, 2024

Connect with Us:

Follow us on Instagram: @becomingzesty & @zesty_nlp_training

Visit us at for more transformation! 


Dr. Alex Golden  

Hello, everybody. Welcome to becoming zesty. I’m so glad you’re here is Alex here with you today. Thanks for joining me, today we’re gonna talk about self acceptance versus the loss of self importance. I really love this topic. And I love how it came into my awareness for podcasting. So this is something that I have been chewing on and thinking through for the last couple of years. So as you can hear, not a short endeavor that I’ve been on. And that is because just like a lot of people, I had a really hard time with this interplay. And I’m still on that journey of when it’s time as part of being a human to acknowledge something that needs to change or something about ourselves, which really when we are in the leadership space, and then and we are committed to living out our purpose. Things move quickly. And so things change all the time. And so what worked two weeks ago or yesterday, doesn’t necessarily work the same way, right? There’s just things that can occur, and they can go very fast. And really, that’s what when it comes to leadership and helping the world. That’s what everybody wants, right? Like, why do you want to help people slow, so that there is something that happens and what’s cool about living in online life is that when people describe it as magical, and have clarity, and purpose and peace and passion, and kind of all those high level things. I know for me and a lot of people are in my shoes is that it sounds awesome. And it sounds really magical. And like, you know, like rainbows are all over them. And like the hand of God comes down from the sky and points to where you should drive and then like you meet the perfect person there, whatever. Now, in my experience, that has not been the case. Mostly because all of those things, when I really thought about it would undercut my Free Will my ability to decide, hey, I don’t want to go that way. Right. And so, the well the desire had to kind of look at why I wanted it to be like that, well, I wanted it to be easier. Got it. And then the flip side is that sometimes people will get to a certain new level where they are experiencing the magic and they are experiencing the clarity and flow and unfolding and living out their purpose but they are failing to recognize that that’s happening and so this was one of the things that I personally use and localize to to know if I’m on track is that when I have conversations or I’m out in the world, there will be it kind of goes by weeks or a week at a time a couple of weeks. But some sort of concept will come through again and again and again and again and that’s my inventory is often something that I’ve been chewing on for a while. Often it has been something that I’ve found difficult to unpack and then there begins as I gain mastery the feedback then comes in the form of, it’s coming into my awareness, I’m having a lot of conversations about something. And then from that space, it’s time to teach, it’s time to put something out in the world, it’s time to take action, it’s time to go help someone with doing what I do. Right? And that’s essentially what happened was that the last couple of weeks, I’ve had like conversation after conversation after conversation about this exact topic of how do we accept ourselves, and what is the deal with accepting our who we are, and still moving forward. And I think that this conversation really depends on who you’re talking to. But we talked to leaders of all different kinds. And because of that, the self acceptance alone can be a little limiting. So let’s define first what I’m even talking about. For me, self acceptance means that I see who I am. And I choose to accept those things. And acceptance means working and processing anything that’s in the way of that. So a lot of times if it’s like, I feel guilty, I feel bad, I feel shame, addressing those things, of course, that’s done through the resourcing of the emotional body. And there’s very clear resources to use and implement and to get help from so that can be done no problem. That’s just as simple as doing this stuff. Right? And then what what about then the loss of self importance? What’s interesting is that a lot of times people, especially leaders have had been through some stuff. Now, that’s how they realize that the world needed a little help, and they got something out of it, that experience, and they want to bring it out into the world in any way, or to share their thoughts, share their viewpoint, whatever it is. Because of that, sometimes, leaders are not, sometimes a lot of times, they tend to be quite hard on themselves. So a lot of times, even though the loss of self importance is actually much more applicable and important for leaders. Their experiences that they’ve beat themselves up, they can see what their the world they can see what they’re doing, they can see how there’s a mismatch. And so it’s pretty self explanatory that they start to direct that judgment. And like, why is this like this? Why are you doing this towards themselves. And so when, when self importance, and especially the loss of self importance is brought up. A lot of times leaders have this reaction where they’re, like, I understand, like, I want to be humble. But I don’t want to beat myself up, I don’t want to feel bad about myself all the time. What’s cool about self importance, and the loss of self importance is that the definition of it actually addresses both. So the loss of self importance is says, I choose to acknowledge what I see now in myself, I choose to bring that up in my awareness, and then I’m willing to take responsibility for making the decision on how I want to handle it. And then at that point, either accepting it or changing it. But being able to embrace the and making changes and taking action in a new way. And not also having to motivate yourself through those changes by beating yourself up and making the current less than. So as you can imagine, this is a lot taller order self acceptance, honestly, is easier, and there’s less moving parts. And that’s cool, because a lot more people are going to utilize that portion. The loss of self importance means that we can get feedback we can have things about ourselves, be raising awareness, and then choose to lovingly compassionately, gently or strongly and quickly, whatever it is, make the decision of how will we want to handle it, and taking responsibility for it. And then taking the feedback. If something’s not working, what do we want to do instead? So what’s cool about that is that it solves that issue of, well, what if I’m too hard on myself, and making myself feel a loss of self importance is like I’m less than welcome. It’s good to remember then anybody that we are willing to lower our head too often gets us into the space where it says, Well, if I did it, then someone else should be below me and I expect them to lower their head to me, alright, someone who’s a leader isn’t thinking that they’re not better than anybody, but they’re not worse than anybody. They’re just, they’re just who they are and other people are who they are, and there’s not my statement over Lying that, right. And so from that place, the loss of self importance is really, really awesome. And it feels good because we get to acknowledge that we don’t have to get ourselves to feel bad. And think that we’re worse than somebody. Right? We don’t have to be demonstratively humble. Like just to have this certain look, we just are humble in the ways that we are humble. And we are proud of the things that we feel proud of. Right, accurately acknowledging and being authentic. It also means that when we are triggered by some, we ask for help, and someone’s helping us and we have that feeling like, Oh, I know this, I feel like I should be further along. And sometimes we’re sort of like, talking back fighting them on a get having that sort of stuff. Or, you know, I asked the question, and the code says, Oh, well, what do you think? And it’s like, oh, I can you just give me an answer, right? There’s that sense of, but my, my problems are so important. I get that you might want someone else to be empowered and be in their identity of making their own decisions. But I am so different. I’m so unique, that you should break that for me. Usually the answer for me, right? Or, you know, everybody else’s money stuff is a product of their, their well, consciousness. But in my didn’t, you know, I went through a divorce last year, didn’t you know that this happened to me in childhood? Didn’t you know that this is hard for me, right. There’s a lot of that overlaying where we want to argue. But zoomed out, we begin to remember as a leader that we said, we wanted those things. So it really doesn’t matter if someone else is going to agree with us on the reasons we haven’t had it so far. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter, either we are going to do something else about that, and still get the result that we want. Or we’re not willing to do that. The loss of self importance and the things that happen to us where we feel a type of way, process it and then come back to our authentic selves, is actually that process. So that portion of it, the loss of self importance, is a collaborative process, it can really only be done with the world, co creating along with you, with our US being willing to take the feedback, get information about ourselves, do all those things that are often emotionally and mentally difficult to do. And I will, you know, kind of to end it. Because isn’t that on what to do about that, per se, but to begin the conversation of how to unpack it, the major thing to remember is that it’s not that there’s anything wrong with you on anything that has happened along the way here. And that process. If there’s struggle, it needs to be resourced period, that’s as complicated as it actually gets something goodness that that’s true, right, we can just acknowledge that, hey, if this is something that I’m having an obstacle or issue with, and I don’t know what to do, and the things I know how to do keep getting me to the same place that I don’t like, then it’s not that there’s something wrong with who I am, or something that I’m not doing correctly, I need more options. And I need to be a resource for more variations, more situations, more emotions, more mindset, things more at this is bad out in the world does having ways to support yourself, and address the things that are coming up for you. So that actually really gets us out of having to like, have a bunch of resources, for guilt have a bunch of resources for shame, you get to just think differently and negate the need for any of those. Instead, you just oh, I need this. Let me give myself this version of it. And we’re back up and running. So a lot more ease a lot more flow, and is a lot more fun and magic along the way. So thank you for joining me today. We really, really appreciate you if you could share this podcast with a couple of your friends that are like minded folks, anybody who’s wanting to impact the world positively. Wanting to come together in communities to build relationships to help others to elevate this world. There are people so send them our way. Ask them to say hello to us when they come check it out. You can email us support at or scooch on over to the Instagrams, the Facebook’s. We’re all there over there. Just having a good time. So, sending you lots of love. I’ll catch you on the next episode.